Hmm, really? Thank you all for your comments and I will thoroughly consider them. Not many poems are written in this style, and I was experimenting a little. Thanks!
Arson
A spark of sickly glowing light,
Catches my eye amid the night.
My breathing stops, and then I see,
A flicker of flames, shining bright,
A glowing fire approaching me.
Who lit the match that sparked this fire?
For arson was their cruel desire.
Who dares to burn this place of peace?
Who's wicked heart would so require,
To feed the flames that make life cease?
The flames glow brightly as the sun,
I risk a glance before I run,
Away into that silent cloak,
Where quiet, still, and darkness won,
Where all have slept and few have woke.
Soon anger floods the flames of fear,
I stop, for I am safer here.
I wish what is could never be,
I hate that unknown, horrid leer,
For what the victim does not see.
I'm gone now, going up in smoke,
And flames, and what my thoughts provoke.
I'm leaving as night turns to dawn,
I only know my heart has broke,
It's shattering with what is gone.
And I shall never know what's lost,
Never know what line was crossed.
Hmm, really? Thank you all for your comments and I will thoroughly consider them. Not many poems are written in this style, and I was experimenting a little. Thanks!
I liked this one. But as mentioned above, I think the rhyming took a little away from the poem. Also, the last two lines felt abrupt and didn't really fit in with the rest of the poem.
Other than that, good job! Keep writing! :]
Well, I definitely did enjoy reading this a lot! I'm not a big fan of rhyming and it did seem to me that some of the rhyming in this one distracted from the poem...but otherwise, this was definitely an enjoying read!
This was a good idea, however I think some (not all) of the rhyming ruined it. Sometimes I felt like you were 'rhyming for the sake of it'. Maybe just rhyming once, instead of twice in each stanza would work better???
By not rhyming all the time you could probably even give this poem a better rhythm.
And I shall never know what's lost,
Never know what line was crossed.
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