Sapphire

You have a couple of incredibly detailed critiques already, so I might not point out some of the things that have already been mentioned. Fidgeting nervously, I stood uncomfortably outside ...

[s]When Mum asked me that question,[/s] M y world just about stopped spinning in its orbit. For a moment I didn't find any words to say. Then no comma I ...

This seemed to be enough. She smoothed out her [s]little[/s] pristine bun, an action so flawless it must have been rehearsed, typed a few words on her computer, and said, ...

My first instinct was to panic. My heart started thumping [s]about[/s] in my chest, like a one-man army, (good simile) and I felt dizzy and sick. I sat down on ...

Hey! Alright so I’ll just jump straight into the critique. Normally I’ll make suggestions in bold within the quotation. If something needs more explanation I might comment afterwards, but not ...

Well, I loved this! It's utterly charming and the only points I have to make are related to grammar. I don't think the punctuation is quite right so I'm going ...

Hiya! I've picked out a few grammar points and so on: As if that wasn't bad enough, some of the idiots walking the aforementioned hallway of Sullivan High paused to ...

Hiya and welcome to the site! Is this the complete chapter one? I would assume not since it's very short. I've quoted it and I'm going to change a few ...

Hiya, welcome to YWS! I'll just point out there's a rule here that you should review two pieces of work before posting one of your own. All the site rules ...

I'd written a critique for this a wee while ago and forgot to post it! So here it is: Running down the ornately decorated hallways of his brother’s home, Ramon ...

Hi! Firstly, welcome to the site! The title of this caught my eye so I read through the poem and I have a few general comments for you, as opposed ...

Hi! I am not whole. I am missing pieces of life [s]The things[/s] That (?) all people should experience. I need a broken heart. No one can truly call themselves ...

I've quoted as well to give suggestions to help the rhythm. The subject is good! Thud, thud, thud. Perhaps I am light-headed, my breath’s too short for air. But when ...

Hiya! I was going to critique this for grammar and so on, but reading it through I'd rather make some suggestions about the story. Firstly, I wasn't sure of the ...

Hi! I’ve just picked out a few typos because I thought the actual content was great. He's just standing there, his hands by his sides, ready to catch him self ...