Saphirra

I couldn't concentrate on studying for my history test; I was too annoyed by the popular, preppy girls who occupied the table next to mine. I think that the phasing ...

The girl sat in front of the computer while looking out the nearby window wishing she was like the people she saw outside. If i were you I would add ...

So sorry I embarrassed you And maybe ruined your life. Try saying how you did that. And it sounds as though the person hurt her, so wh yshould she be ...

Repulsion twists you all the while, From both the agony and my smile. I know that this is supposed to rhyme, but i think the whole 'repulsion twists you' is ...

Lilian's eyes filled with crystalline tears. Her child had no father. Her baby girl would have to live in a world run by demons. If I were you, I would ...

Wow. I'm not a poet, so i don't know how to critique this, but its amazing. I can totally understand what the poem is about, because thats how i feel. ...

ok, first thing first I like the plot, its interesting and has potential. you need to describe your characters in a more subtle way, and maybe where they are as ...

I like how deep the characters were, and you introduce us to their personalities very well. However, you have on logic flaw in this that bothered me. If its been ...

I really like all the descriptive language, but you tend to switch several times from present to past to present tense. its distracting and takes away from the story. Also, ...

THIS IS HILARIOUS! i love the way you completely took the opposite view that the actual story is written in. it makes the story much more realistic and very cynical. ...

The plot line is really good, but you kind of just hand it to us immediately. in the story we have no idea where they are, what they are doing, ...

I really liked all the twists in it. i also loved the kind of foreshadowing you give when you make Bella continually reassure that nothing is wrong. its as though ...

This was really good, because you totally captured the way that Stephanie Meyers writes. However, i think everything was a bit overdramatized, and that took away from the story a ...

I think that the beginning of the story doesn't really do much to draw the reader in, but it certainly gets interesting as the story goes on. i like the ...

Wow. just wow. you made the person seem real, with his own set of morals, balances between good and bad, needs, thoughts and worries. it really makes the story come ...