Rydia

I don't think you info dumped too much and you don't need action in every chapter.Just a few suggestions - Along the wall were lined many large oil lamps, kept ...

To be honest, this seemed pretty repetitive and the rhyming was really forced in places. Here are a few changes I would make - I write this poem from my ...

I think this is actual lyrics rather than lyrical poetry, especially if you have music that goes with it. Lyrical poetry isn't really made to be sung... Anyway, as for ...

Hi there! A few suggestions... They were counting down till midnight. [I think 'til' is the correct abbreviation. 'Till' sort of suggests one of those things that the cashier sits ...

Hi there, just a few specific points first - Instead [A comma here perhaps?] I turned my back and raced down the driveway to apartment number 4. [Write it as ...

Hi there, to be honest this felt a bit like a list and it was rather repetitive. I like the part with the scenario so maybe concentrate on that. Add ...

First off, the comma after chords on the second to last line should be a semi colon or a full stop. As for context, a lot of people seem to ...

Hello again! That was a really sweet chapter and it had a good, slow pace that suits the romantic moment. Here's my usual list of suggestions first - He nodded, ...

Nice piece of work here. A few suggestions - Except it didn’t look like a baby since it wasn’t brown and it wasn’t crying like it should had, falling from ...

First, I'll point out the two typos. You should probably read your work through before posting - turning my tears inot anger so that I get so used to the ...

I know you said that this is an extract but it doesn't feel like a script. You can't have thoughts in scripts and actions are supposed to be mentioned briefly ...

Hey Timea! This is going really well, just a few sugestions - “How much farther? It’s getting pretty dark, ya know,” Lira nervously asked. ['Lira asked nervously' might sound a ...

Wow. The mother is a complicated character, yes? She seems genuinely fond of the younger daughter and acts kindly throughout this chapter until the end with the whip. I am ...

I tried this once a few years back and the format makes for a cute little poem. Your topic was much more original than mine though and the rhyming is ...

Hi again! I quite liked this one but it was a little short and you could make some improvements. That second line should be want rather than 'wan' and try ...