Published July 21, 2007
I thought of this after going to a book party for the release of HP7. It's just...yeah...I might add onto it, or it might just be this. Like a short story. But I don't know yet. Anywho, if you don't know who Daniel Radcliffe is, he's the guy who plays Harry Potter in the movies. And Rupert Grint is the guy who plays Ron Weasley. Anywho...enjoy!:wink:
I stood in line, anxious to get the book. It was five minutes to midnight and the suspense was killing me. I wanted the seventh Harry Potter book so bad! My hand was itching really badly, where my temporary tattoo of a seven with Harry Potter’s face in it was. I heard the countdown of one minute start. They were counting down till midnight. My hand started to burn. I started to cry it hurt so badly. They chanted the countdown.
“10…9…8…7…6…5…” I screamed out in pain and fell to the floor. No one was watching. They were just counting. “4…3…2…1…” Everyone cheered. I looked at my hand and the tattoo was sinking into my skin. Everyone else who had it stopped cheering and looked at their hands. They all had them. It was sinking into their skin as well. People starting screaming and running around. It turned 12:01. Everyone stopped in their tracks and they had blank faces. I felt all sense leave me. It was as if I no longer had control over my brain. I heard a voice playing in my head.
You will serve Daniel. You love Daniel. You live for Daniel. It chanted that over and over again. I felt something gripping my free will. It was taking it away. I could not think on my own any longer. Everyone was saying it now.
“I will serve Daniel. I love Daniel. I live for Daniel. I will serve Daniel I love Daniel. I live for Daniel.” I couldn’t get myself to speak it. I gripped my locket I was wearing with a picture of Rupert Grint in it, or “Ron Weasley.” A man walked into Barnes & Noble wearing a black cloak. Everyone got down and bowed their heads. I fell to my knees but I didn’t bow. I was just on my knees looked at the man. He pulled his hood off and I was shocked to see it was Daniel Radcliffe. He smiled until he saw me. He walked up and looked down at me with angry eyes.
“Why aren’t you bowing?” He asked in the English accent.
“I-I can’t.” I said.
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Won’t.”
“You Will bow to me!” He growled. He pulled out a wand and put it to my hand. He muttered some word and it burned horribly. I screamed and gripped my necklace harder. I felt it cutting into my palm.
“What are you holding?” He asked.
“Nothing.” I breathed.
“Show me. He said putting the wand back to my hand. I screamed and let go. He looked at the picture and smacked me in the face. “You dare to worship that bad excuse for an actor!? I am the only one to worship! You love me! Not Rupert! ME!!” He yelled and gripped my hair. He pulled, making me fall to the ground. “Now, bow!” I cried and stayed on the floor. Helpless.
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139,463 Literary Works • 672,569 Reviews
Thanks for pointing out my errors guys
Now, if I fix them is another story. lol I know I won't now cause it's 2 AM. And I'm lazy 
I'm really glad you guys liked it! I'm gonna try and work on some more. RatchetWriter(sp?)---Thans for the idea. I think about it. 
And Rieda, dear god, if Daniel read this I'd be scared for my life!! lol
Lot's O' Luv,
Lindsay
*GASP* He would never! XD And I bet you that people would bow and chant without mindcontrol anyways
. lol. This was hilarious! I definately want to read more...even though it pains me to say that...and at the risk of my love reading this review *inhales* XD just write more!!!
~Rieda
Hey, Linds! I saw this and I jsut had to read it. Just point out a couple things. Forgive me if I repeat anything. Kill me later if I'm rude.
Instead of capitalizing "will" you can use italics and keep the emphasis on the word.
Use one explanation point, 'cause you already capitalized the word "me" which tells a lot about his anger. Also, I usually put question mark then the explanation point. (?!) This is because I want to show the reader it's more of a question than an exlamation. Of course, it depends on the author's style of writing.
It's so like you to think of this little story! I was worried for a second when you mentioned Daniel Radcliffe and NOT Rupert Grint. Then I saw his name and the locket (do you really have a locket of him?) and I felt a lot better. Great work! Besides my worrying about you, I laughed through the whole thing.
Jabber, the One and Only!
Great! Crazy Radcliffe =
Stupid actors, never trust them. 
Comma after the first Daniel.
You could word this better; I only thought this after my second read, so it's not atrocious wording.
Add saw, so it reads, I looked at my hand and saw the tattoo sinking into my skin, or something to that effect.
Small h.
In his English accent would sound better.
Comma instead of full stop.
Small w and h.
Small h.
Comma instead of full stop.
Missing the ending quote marks, change the full stop to a comma, and small h.
Have only one point/mark, and don't mix them together.
Small h.
All that Potter acting has gone to Radcliffe's head. Great read, and as I'm not a Potter fan, I found this especially amusing.
So yeah, impossible to really give this a serious critique because it was so hilarious- very, very random. However, like RatchetWriter said, more info on how Daniel/Harry got so evil when we think he'd be the good guy would definitely be awesome...of course you'd have to keep it with the same hilariousness that's in this...anyways, nice write lol
HAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Oh this is hilarious! I was thinking about how many people are addicted to Harry Potter, oh no, I feel the pull to! AHH!!!
So funny.
Hmm... for helpfulness, um, oh dear, I've gone and made another annoying post.
Uh, maybe if you plan on expanding this you could tell why Harry was so tyrannical? I mean, jealousy can get nasty, but not that bad, and going with the story flow, it would be funny if he had gotten brian washed or something.
Okay so that was just a random idea.
So funny!
just noticed some errors in the corrections you got.
try "people started running", probably just a typo,
Furthermore, til is incorrect spelling. Until and till mean the same thing. (of course my english is the england type; I don't know if that makes a difference)
You probably knew all this already, but I thought I'd quickly clear this up.
Please correct me if I am wrong.
I laughed SO hard at this. XD
That's all I can say! I didn't spot any errors- though that may be due to the fact that I was laughing maniacally - other than- ROCK ON!
Nargles stole MY pepsi, too! XD
Hi there! A few suggestions...
They were counting down till midnight. [I think 'til' is the correct abbreviation. 'Till' sort of suggests one of those things that the cashier sits behind in a shop.]
Everyone [s]one[/s] cheered.
_______________
There we go. My few little nitpicks. I liked this. It's a really nice little fan fiction. No hermione though? Or rather the girl that plays her. I am disappointed and if you continue this, you simply must include Sirius. He is (Or was) my favourite character. Anyway, let me know if you write more. You have a good start here.
the verb should be in the -ed tense, but isn't this passive tense? I don't know, I'm terrible with passive tense... You might want to say, "People screamed and ran around."
Wow, I didn't know you could actualy feel something gripping something that exists only as an emotion xD
one exclamation point does fine.
Hahaha, wow. HP fandom + jealous actors = craziness. Even for a nonHP fan, this was pretty funny