Rydia

I like this. I think you need to add some punctuation and cut a line or two but the theme is good and you have some pleasant imagery. Here's some ...

Hmm. You have some pleasant images but it seems a little pointless. Perhaps this would work better if you expanded it to include a story of why the persona is ...

Hello again! In general I thought this was good though you could develop the characters a little more and some extra description of the creature in the lake wouldn't hurt. ...

I'm not sure that you actually want this critiqued as a piece of writing so maybe it belongs in the lounge or about the authors? If you do on the ...

Hmmm. A tough one to critique, my friend, it takes some thinking about. Not in a bad way certainly but it's unique. The lack of punctuation is clearly for a ...

Okay, I want to get some minor corrections out of the way first - They were crouching uncomfortably on the seats in the plane to protect Charlie from getting more ...

Hello there. You have chosen a nice theme around which to write a poem but I think this could be stronger and more effective. Your grammar needs some work and ...

Hello there. I don't believe we've met but then it would be presumptuous of me to expect to know every writer on this site. And you may wonder why I'm ...

I think this is a bit short for me to critique properly but I'll give it a go. I think that's wishing everyone happiness is a sweet sentiment but as ...

I've heard of this one actually though I think it was a while ago and I wasn't too interested at the time. I'll add it to my list. (And yeah, ...

Hello again, thought I'd take a look at the next part too. Again, I'd advise against the full caps and I think you need to slow down your action a ...

Hmmm. I think this has the potential to be a really good start but it needs a little work. I'd suggest that you don't write in capitals to show shouting. ...

Hmmm. This is too short to be a story and it feels more like a summary or perhaps a prologue? Either way, I think you should change the format and ...

This is an interesting little piece. I love how you start off but you drift into a stronger form of second person towards the end which isn't quite as powerful ...

Hi there! My first suggestion is that you check your format before posting - don't just copy and paste the text. Also, cut this down into seperate stanzas so that ...