Published November 3, 2007
A mother will tell you to keep the doors locked at night, to not talk to strangers, to not walk alone at night. A mother would rather see her daughter inside their home for the night, locked in and safe. A smoke and mirror world because the only monster to fear is already in the house....the only monster is not one in the closet or one under the bed you can hide under the blankets from. A mother's child is her own monster, one that can't be seperated from herself. The illusions a mother fears is much better than seeing the reality that her child is slowly killing themself. Falling down a rabbit hole of addiction where the world is grey and only the bad things are illuminated. And it does feel nice. There is something nice about pain in a way only those who have pain constantly can understand. Sometimes its hard to see people close to you go through pain and it's easier to multiply their pain on yourself. Sometimes the only way to keep all your feelings where they are manageable is to keep them on yourself. You're too afraid of exploding, of going into a fury, if you can do this much pain to yourself what could you be able to do to others?
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140,597 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
Hey there!
You could make into a fiction story , that would be great! Tell your raeders more about the monsters under your bed, the fears of monsters in childhood. And also you might consider to use some nice analogies and it is well-written. I hope to see more of your works and don't ever give up on writing things you love. Keep writing and stay inspired!
I think you should develop this great little piece. It feels like I'm reading a Prologue
Warm regards,
Aulyasela3597
This is an interesting little piece. I love how you start off but you drift into a stronger form of second person towards the end which isn't quite as powerful and I think it could be longer. Here's a few suggestions -
A smoke and mirror world because the only monster to fear is already in the house....the only monster is not one in the closet or one under the bed you can hide under the blankets from. [Your elipse should only be three dots and I think you need a space between it and the 'the' as with all punctuation. Also, I'd split this into two sentences and re-word it a little - 'A smoke and mirror world because the only monster to fear is already in the house... the only monster is not in the closet or under the bed. The real monster can not be escaped by hiding under blankets and sheets.']
Sometimes it's hard to see [s]people close to you[/s] friends go through pain and it's easier to multiply their pain on yourself. Sometimes the only way to keep all your feelings where they are manageable is to keep them [s]on[/s] in yourself. You're too afraid of exploding, of going into a fury, if you can [s]do[/s] cause this much pain to yourself, what could you [s]be able to[/s] do to others?
Other than that, I think you use some nice anaologies and it's well written so good work but maybe try to expand it a little.