"wishes"
Wishing happiness-
for everyone that lives-
save everyone.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
i agree with what they said above, to short to critique, but a nice start of a poem.
i like the idea.
kim
I think... it's rather funny. But I don't know if I'm reading it correctly. I'm currently interpreting "save everyone" not as "help everyone" but as "except for everyone". If I'm reading it right, I think it would do well if expanded and these three lines were placed at the very end.
If "save" is intended more along the lines of "help", then I don't know if it quite makes sense. It almost doesn't mean anything. "Wishing happiness" What does this mean, really? Why is hapiness being wished? It's almost like there should be another line or two stuck between the first/second and second/third.
I think this is a bit short for me to critique properly but I'll give it a go. I think that's wishing everyone happiness is a sweet sentiment but as a poem it doesn't have much of an impact on the reader. You should expand it. Add some clever imagery, add a purpose to the poem. For example you could give your ideas on what exactly a wish is and why they are important and maybe even link it to hopes and dreams. The three lines you have would work very nicely as a concluding stanza but I do think you need to expand it. Hope this helps a little,
Heather xx