Rydia

Hello again. I like this one quite a lot. It's not the most original theme but you make a good point and you have some nice imagery. I think you ...

Hello again! I think your action moved a bit fast and it all seemed quite random but generally I liked this piece. The character development seems to be improving and ...

I think you have a nice theme here but the words need quite a lot of work and more punctuation would help it flow better. Your imagery is a little ...

An excellent chapter, my friend. I think you have some good description, some lovely dialogue and generally it flows very well. Also, I think I'd like to see more of ...

Very good, my friend, and I'm so pleased that you decided to give it a go. The rhythm is very fast which adds a lot to the poem and I ...

Hello again! My general impression of this poem is that it's nice and it flows well but there's so much more than you could convey to the reader. I think ...

I read part of this but I didn't get far. Partly because it was just before my birthday and I took it back to the library so that I could ...

I like your use of short sentences and repetition here, both very effective. And the plot is chilling. Not quite what I expected when I first began to read it. ...

I haven't seen Akeelah and the Bee but I think I understand the piece well enough to give you a few pointers. In general, the piece flows well with some ...

This is a good start. I think you need to add some more description but the action and dialogue you have are lovely. So far your characters still need some ...

Firstly, I think it would be easier to read if you started a new line for each line of speech rather than posting in block text. As for the story, ...

I really like this. You need to add punctuation to it but it flows really well; you have a very natural rhythm. Perhaps you could expand it, add a few ...

Hmmm. I think you start this one well but parts of it could be phrased better and some of the imagery needs improving. Also, the two rhymes you've used don't ...

In general, I liked this but I think some of your dialogue could be improved and there are parts that are awkward or where the grammar is a little out. ...

In general, this is a fun little poem but xalabaster is right, you need to write it in one tense. I'd suggest present, that would work really well for this ...