Young Writers Society

*Applaudes*
I like it and can totally relate. I am not very good at writing poetry, so I am going to look at different pieces. Keep going, and I hope to see more.

Ok Flora, first of all, I'm not a fan of critiquing poetry simply because poetry is a very diverse art form and hence takes a lot of effort to review.

Anyways, you wrote a poetry on an idea that isn't used much. I mean, I can't picture myself writing about procrastination (it's a boring topic -.-) so good work for writing on an uncommon idea. However, I believe that it wasn't written to the best it could be.

You didn't dwell deep enough into the theme. The ideas were quite simplistic and it does little to deviate itself from the actual procrastination. It doesn't really hook the reader basically.

I think you need to find ways to show the theme more. It tells too much for me to be interested. Imagery would help this make this more interesting to read.

No, like a full-stop.

thanks for critquing my work. Actually whats a period as in like a paragraph?

In general, this is a fun little poem but xalabaster is right, you need to write it in one tense. I'd suggest present, that would work really well for this style. Here's a line by line -

I sit there at my table,
Trying to study but, [I think this line would be stronger without the comma.]
My pen [s]froze[/s] freezes
And [s]dried[/s] dries out
Like the water in my throat, [I'd suggest a period rather than a comma.]

I try to write but
Never get past the first word,
Or letter in a line.
Doodles run across the page
Like unruly children
Escaping their mother’s discipline. [Some nice imagery here.]

I pull[s]ed[/s] my collar away.
The room [s]seemed[/s] seems smaller
And more enclosed.
The air [s]seemed suffocating[/s] appears to suffocate
Like a blanket over my head.

I can’t take this no more.
The days of studying [I agree with xalabaster's suggestions for these two lines.]
Seem[s]ed[/s] to stretch for years.
Yet it is only 11 days more. [I'd re-phrase the last two lines to something like -

Seems to stretch for years
Yet only eleven days remain.]

Maybe it’s the procrastination.
Not being able to focus
More than an hour or two.
Unlike others
Scribbling a [s]12[/s] twelve hour stretch. [This line seems to be missing a word. Maybe 'Scribbling through a...' would be smoother.]

I close my books, sighing,
And pack away my pens.

Time for a bit of fresh air. [I like the ending and I actually think it's quite stylistic how you've seperated the last line, as if you were drawing away from your procrastination. In general, I think you have a great base here and you could introduce more imagery but it isn't really necessary. Do tidy up the tense changes though and try not to use 'seems' so often because, well it gets repetitive. Keep working on this one and let me know if you'd like me to take another look,

Heather xx]

1. Throughout the piece you go back and forth between present and past tenses. It feels like the whole poem should be one tense to me.

example:

I sit there at my table
Trying to study but,
My pen froze...

I can’t take this no more.
The days of studying
Seemed to stretch for years.
Yet it is only 11 days more.

Maybe it’s the procrastination.
Not being able to focus
More than an hour or two.
Unlike others
Scribbling a 12 hour stretch.

I close my books, sighing
And pack away my pens.

Time for a bit of fresh air.

Maybe it’s the procrastination.
Not being able to focus
More than an hour or two.
Unlike others
Scribbling a 12 hour stretch.