Ronald559

Felistia asked in an almost too sweet voice as her dark shadow feel over Zoltar’s face. VERSUS Felistia asked, her dark shadow fell over Zoltar’s face. The question itself "Another ...

Winnie was so cool. I'm the type of the writer that thinks this is excessive. You already said this without saying it. Which is harder to do. You also have ...

It was time. I understand the desire to write this in but it's excessive, because your first two paragraphs create the feeling nicely without it. It had seen more terrified ...

mom and dad You could use parents instead and make it flow more nicely. Yesterday was just like everyday at least I think, to be honest I don’t remember much. ...

Not going to leave a good enough review for this one. It's super long, and it'll take forever to pick through it piece by piece. Let's start out by saying ...

when his bright blue eyes meet mine in the airport for the first time. When his strong, tan arms wrap around me and I finally feel at home again. Hearing ...

I think that Bill Marr used to be a nice guy. A while back, when my mother was about to surrender herself to men and their money, he took her ...

Okay. I couldn't call this a short story. More like two paragraphs of something bigger. Wrapping my sweater closer around my torso Torso is too specific for what are you ...

“Nowadays we treat your conditions differently,” said Dr. Thompson. “ You've probably heard of Therapy dogs,” It ends with a comma instead of a period. “ Nowadays our treatment for ...

I like the idea of showing the holocaust through the eyes of a child. That was the premise of Life is Beautiful with Roberto Benigni. You have a lot of ...

It's important to note, I like the title. I'm very picky about titles but you've done a fine job choosing. Take away the bold letters at the beginning. It doesn't ...

You reviewed one of my works, and I always repay the debt. ;) It was Late July, and the sticky heat pressed down on both me and the insects that ...

I'm here to get credit for a review, and promise to just abuse the system to get points. :) Here's my shot at giving you a wack review for the ...

I'm writing a western, and it's cool to see another writer writing western type material. Couple of things I thought might work better for your western. Rubies would probably not ...

Zoltar rolled his eyes. Hisster never did anything humbly. He just back lash violently like a tightly coiled wire spring. I like the idea here. To show the falseness to ...