Rei

I don't want to repeat what's already been said, so I've got two points to make about this. First is that you didn't get all the corrections nicklepickle pointed out, ...

It felt like you were too eagar to get the story going. In your first paragraph, you tell us that this is a story with vampires. That sets up certain ...

When I started reading this, I could automatically hear this being put to music. That does not happen very often with me. So congrats on that. I have no real ...

Pretty darn good. I didn't love it, but it was good. The rhyming was done very smoothly, and didn't forced at all. There was one line that I thought was ...

Very beautiful. It captures the feeling I think you wanted to express clearly and strongly with very few details that do little more than suggest what is happening, yet it ...

Yes, very nice. I felt you could do more with it, use some more images, maybe show us a little bit about who this person you're talking about is. Overall, ...

Ooh. An annonymous "she" or "he" is rarely a good thing. I must confess, whenever I come across that, I stop reading immediately. You've got a good concept, but it ...

I'm not sure present-tense was really the best decision for a piece like this. Overall, it was well-written and the character were good, but it seemed kind of pointless. As ...

I regret to inform you that I do not. I've never really liked poetry full of questions. Writing it with a tone of uncertainty that expresses a desire for these ...

There's one thing here that doesn't make sence. How can math be the worst subject ever and still be better than science. You either need to explain that, or find ...

Actually, Snoink, I usually don't like too much dialogue. But in this case, I thought it worked for the piece. However, I suppose my experience in theatre did make it ...

Yes, it was choppy, but I kind of liked the choppiness of it. And I don't think you need more colourful langauge. The simplicity of this is perfect. Anything less ...

Far too short. I can tell it's heart-felt and very real. But what it needs is for you to explore the realtionship a little more. Use images and metephore, give ...

I'm going to have to be the mean one and say that I didn't like it very much. What everyone else said is true. I liked the fact that you ...

I'm not a big fan of this sort of prologue. In this case, it's all right, since I can tell you're going to probably be refering to it later on, ...