Rei

I'm just curious at what level this is set. As far as I'm aware, they don't do nude models in high school. They don't generally get to that until university. ...

I didn't notice that there were so many paragraphs starting with the same word. It all flowed together really well. I've got a small obsession with fairy tales and fairy ...

"It started five years after I left the hospital." This is not a good way to start a story, regardless of the format. "It all started when . . ." ...

It definitely does show that you didn't really know your characters very well as you were writing it. But I'm certain you'll get over that if you write a second ...

The opening here is the perfect way to turn a reader off. The sentences are far too long and complicated. This entire piece is suffering from being overly formal. The ...

This is one of those cases where a prolgue really isn't needed. I read your first chapter without realizing that this prologue was a part of the story. It's something ...

There is a potentially good story here. You've got exposition in all the right places, and the pace is good. However, and there is no nice way to say this, ...

Opening with a history lesson, however short, is usually not a good idea. In this case, it could be better, but I think it works. You just need to explain ...

I'm not really too fond of stories with an introduction like this. Why bother giving us an intro that tells us what the story is about? Just get to the ...

Sorry to tell you that this one didn't catch my attention the way the introduction did. The pace of the language, and the tone are gone. The start is just ...

Great concept! I regret to say that I can't tear it apart. It's not perfect, of course, but the ideas are there, the tone is just right. You've got the ...

It's nice. Certainly very well written, and the tone is just right. But all in all, it seemed kind of pointless. Expanding might remedy that. Can't say whether or not ...

Didn't like the haiku. Haiku should float right off your tongue, and this just didn't. Because they are so restrictive in length, you have to be extremely careful in your ...

Yes, this is definitely more of a prologue than a first chapter. It's a fine place to start a story, and the character felt very real, but it has its ...

First of all, and here's me just being picky, I should tell you that it's spelled konnichi wa. I also know a lot of Japanese people, and they don't say ...