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Prologue to an unnamed story

by u-dot


By the way, Turns are years. i'm gonna change it but i haven't gotten around to it yet.

Prologue to The Blood of the Phoenix

The sun sets, bringing darkness to Alteris. Once the power of the gods kept the sun up all the time, but things change. Seasons come and pass and the river of life flows on. New things come, some help the river of live surge forward and some change its course significantly, but life never stops.

The gods had left Alteris long ago and the reason for their flight is almost forgotten. There are some though, whose ancestors were part of the Great Battle, and they remember. Some sided with the good gods, some with the evil, and some with the gods of neutrality. The good gods left Alteris because it was the only way to stop the evil ones from conquering the world completely.

The gods of good could not bear to leave their creations to fend for themselves so they left behind a lot of their magic. Their magic was stored in six magical obelisks that represented them. Pince and his wife Zuroth and their children made up the good gods.

One obelisk of red crystal for fire from the god Berek, one of blue for water from the goddess Flirre, one of green for earth from the god Recen, one of white for air from the goddess Miniv, one of clear for healing from Zuroth, and one of clear, banded with all the other colors, for spirit from Pince himself. They would not let the people of Alteris die because of their skirmishes in the beyond.

For turns the people worshipped the obelisks in awe and for turns the obelisks helped the people almost as good as the gods had. Merlin was in awe as well, but the man of 41 turns couldn’t help himself any longer. He was one of the few that could read the ancient script on the spirit obelisk, and he thought he knew what it meant.

Let the people rule themselves. They are ready and we are gone so we can no longer rule. Here are the six powers that created this land and all that is in it. One day the people may even ascend to godhood to bring us back. Use the power we give here to help the world through these dark days and bring hope back to the world.

Merlin believed that they were supposed to use the power. Actually use it. To hold the power within themselves. Finally Merlin got up the courage to place his hand on the pristine crystal of the spirit obelisk.

One at a time the colored bands glowed. Red, blue, green, clear, and white. When the colored band glowed the corresponding obelisk’s inner light winked out until only the spirit obelisk was glowing with all the colors.

The powers from all the obelisks came through the spirit obelisk and into Merlin and the human race. Lightning came from the sky, fire from the ground, maelstroms, and funnels of air currents. They smashed into the obelisks, destroying them and scattering the shards all over Alteris. All but the spirit one was demolished. The people Merlin had brought as witnesses rushed to him and caught him as he collapsed from the power. Merlin and his five followers were sent away and were considered less than dirt for taking the power the gods had given to all. Merlin and his followers built a magnificent city around the spirit obelisk. Dais Venis they called the city and it gave refuge to any of the people who had gotten the magic and wanted to learn how to use it properly. The people feared to enter it though.

Sometimes a bunch of ignorant teenagers would enter and they were never seen again, which only discouraged people further. Stories about how the mages brought about destruction sprouted among those who hated them and about the mysterious disappearances.

One day the gates of Dais Venis opened and the stream of mages coming out was great in number. They spread out all over Alteris and visited their families. Their goal was to find others talented in the power, but many refused to come.

Some magi wore fiery robes of red, others brown, others white, others blue, others clear, and one wore orange robes. Merlin was that person and, orange was the color created when all those colors were combined.

The mages claimed Merlin had taught them how to help the people, but many would not listen. Some kingdoms were mindful of their needs and accepted a few mages in their cities, but for the most part they only lived in Dais Venis. More students continued to come until Merlin and the counsel disappeared with his five followers and some of the more powerful magi. They thought only a Wizard who could control all the magic, and wore the orange robes, could teach them; and Merlin had been the only Wizard. They needed a Wizard to touch spirit, the strongest of the powers.

Their numbers dwindled and the mages, in desperation, began to mate in order to replenish the magi population. Merlin had warned not to have a child if the parents both controlled the power. The child would have too much power to control and would die he said. After the first few deaths, they stopped and attempted to create children with the magic. Their efforts in that ended when they accidentally created dragons instead. The dragons escaped to the southernmost part of Alteris and the people had another reason to hate mages. Because the dragons were mage-born they had the magic. The dragons stayed to themselves, but who knows when they would change their minds?

Finally the Magi became as accepted as they could get and they began to manipulate kings and queens. Soon a great war will come that will have all people clinging to the mages in desperation of their lives. Soon no one would hate them because everyone would need them.


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Wed Aug 03, 2005 1:15 am
Rei wrote a review...



This is one of those cases where a prolgue really isn't needed. I read your first chapter without realizing that this prologue was a part of the story. It's something that's great to have for yourself. It's stuff YOU need to know. But we don't need to know it as long as we can follow the story. The history should be present within the story, but nothing really needs to be explained in great detail, and information only given as it becomes necessary. It's much more interesting if the reader can piece it together on his/her own rather than just have it explained.

This also has the feeling of a dull history lecture, with little enthusiam for the subject. Like I said in chapter one, have fun with your writing.




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Tue Aug 02, 2005 9:45 pm
Rincewind wrote a review...



Good luck.
If you think everyones gonna crit every paragraph of everything, this isnt the best place to come.
You have to give it time and get people interested in you, and your work before you can expect so much.

There are tense shifts all over the place. From has, to had, and back and forth.
The story is there, but the prologue seemed static. Like it was being recited rather than explained.




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Mon Aug 01, 2005 9:51 pm
u-dot says...



NE but that is not good enough. You need to actually crit every paragraph if you think i'm ever gonna crit your stuff.




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Mon Aug 01, 2005 5:42 pm
Lollipop wrote a review...



Hey there. Welcome to the YWS!!!! :D

This is a good prologue. I kept me hooked and I can't wait for the full story, I think it'll be great!. I love fantasy!! :D :D Keep writing!





Be steadfast as a tower that doth not bend its stately summit to the tempest’s shock.
— Dante Alighieri