Young Writers Society

alright, i thought this thing needed to be redone a bit and i guess i finally go around to it. Um, i have the original chapter here still and then under it i have the revised version. I'd like it if you could tell me what ones better, or if the revised version is still kinda iffy. Note: I'm not changing the names or anything like that and i won't, plus, there's slight language used in the revised chapter, just to let you know. I'll go through it again later for grammer mistakes, but if you see any misspelled words go ahead and tell, though. It'd make my job much easier. So, um, just read it please and leave a nice critique. I'd love that. I hope you like the revised version! ^.^

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Chapter 1

“Konichiwa, Kim and T.” I called across the school yard to my two best of friends.

It was the dreaded first day of school, and my best friends, Kim Warner and Tamara Bishop (affectionately nicknamed T), were waiting for me. I walked up to them and we greeted each other with a hug.

Kim was wearing her usual attire of something flashy and somewhat revealing her perfect legs. Today her wardrobe consisted of, a pinkish peasant top and a flouncy mini skirt. She had pulled her long, wavy blonde hair in a ponytail on the back of her head.

T was wearing her usual summer outfit, a tank top and caprice with her dyed black hair down. Of course everything was black. She was Goth if you haven’t figured it out. Though a wannabe Goth.

I always envied both of them. They were gorgeous like models. I just seemed like someone wishing I was beautiful, with how I tag along with them all the time. But I know they love me. We’re the best of friends. Even if we get on each others nerves sometime. Though, it’s more me and T who get on each others nerves more than Kim and I.

My hair always makes a statement on people, sometimes I think that‘s the only thing people will ever notice me. My name is Toki Zanza. I am part Japanese, but I don’t look it, and part American. My mom had died when I was around the age of five. I’d rather not think of it though, the thought makes me want to puke. After that had happened, my dad and I moved to Milton, New York.

Like I mentioned before, I’m mainly noticed for my hair, which is a bright red. I want to dye it a different color, but Dad won’t let me. He always tells me it’s like my mom’s and refuses every time I ask. She had ended up dyeing hers a different color. I remember, she had come home one day and she had dark blue hair. I look a lot like my mom except she was curvier and was taller, or at least seemed like it, I mean, I was only five when she left us. I was only about 5 ft. 4 in. or so. T was taller than me, along with Kim. T was the tallest of the three of us, and towered about 4 or 5 inches above me. Kim and I were almost the same height, she was only about 1 or 2 inches taller. I was wearing my normal outfit of a t-shirt and flare jeans. I’m so daring and exciting. Yeah, right.

“The freshman are so freaking short. I feel like I’m going to trample over them or something.” T said as she looked around the school yard.

I rolled my eyes. They were only about the same height as me so I said, “Speak for yourself. I think I blend right in with them.”

“Well, you are advanced for your age.” Kim mentioned.

“Yeah,” I said with a sigh.

We’re going to be juniors this year, 11th grade if you’re not thinking straight at the moment. I was a year younger than everyone and was supposed to be going into 10th grade this year. I’d rather not talk about that, also.

We stood there for a while, catching up on each other. It hadn’t been that long since we’d seen each other, but who doesn’t talk about what they did during the summer when they get back to school, even if you saw each other every single day?

I happened to look up past T and saw that Kim’s guy, Matt Rue, was walking over. He noticed that I had seen him and put his finger to his lips, meaning for me not to say anything. I gave a slight nod and looked toward Kim.

“Kim, look behind you.”

she looked over at Matt who was looking sad and slightly disappointed that I told her about him. “Toki,” he whined in his crisp English accent. “You weren’t supposed to tell her. I was going to sneak up on her.”

“Hee, thanks Toki.” Kim said to me and walked over to him, and wrapped her arms around him to give him a quick hello kiss. When they separated she turned back to me. “I hate it when he sneaks up on me.”

I smiled at her and looked down at my watch and the bell rang.

“Guess it’s time to go, bye,” I said and they waved at me. I hiked my backpack up higher onto my shoulder and walked to the building to get to my locker.

When I got there I noticed the guy next to me was having trouble opening his. He was really cute. I mean, really hot. I took a deep breath and walked over there, gathering enough courage to help him.

“N-need some help?” I asked stuttering slightly.

He looked at me with relief showing in his eyes. “Yeah, I do.” he said and sounded kinda embarrassed.

I set my backpack down on the ground in front of my locker as he put the combo in again. I helped him pull it open but it wouldn’t budge.

“Here, let me.” I said and he moved out of the way. “What’s your combo?” I asked him. “and don’t worry, I won’t remember it.”

“Alright,” he said. “It’s, um, 9-32-10,”

I put the numbers in as he told them to me and lifted up on the latch and pulled. It didn’t move so I gave it a good kick and pulled on it again. come on, open you stupid thing. Open. Without any warning it swung open and hit me in the head. I stumbled backward into the guy, who caught me.

“You okay?” he asked and stood me back up.

“Yeah,” I said. “My head hurts, but it’ll go away.” I told him.

“Thanks for your help.” he said. “Are you a senior?”

I shook my head. “Junior, but I’m taking senior science.” I told him.

He nodded. “Well, I have to go. Lets hope we’re in the same class.” he said.

“Yeah, lets hope.” I said and leaned against the locker. Goddess, let him be in the same class as me.

Chapter 1

“The first day of school. Kids are excited, anxious, scared, and many others, like me, could care less. I just don’t really see the point of really worrying if you’re going to do something stupid like walk into the wrong class, or say something stupid.

The only thing I worry about when school starts, is if something bad is going to happen to my best friends, or what I have left of my family. To me, that’s all I really should worry about. Of course, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t worry about anything else. I mean, you always have to plan some mischief in with your daily schedule. Since life isn’t like it is in the movies, a girl has to make some trouble on her own, right? Besides, I can always count on something embarrassing and stupid to happen to me. I am a giant klutz after all.

- Toki”

“Toki, are you ready to go yet? You’ll be late if you don’t start walking.” Lucy called up the stairs to me.

“Yeah, I’ll be down in a minute.” I called back and sat up on my bed, closing my BOS (short term for Book of Shadows, basically a diary) and got up from the bed.

I slipped my shoes on my feet and quickly combed through my hair with my fingers and trotted on down the hall and then the stairs. I took my backpack from Lucy’s grip and slipped my arm through one of the straps.

“Bye, Luce,” I said as I walked out the door and headed towards my school.

The sun beat down upon my head, though, it was only 7:30 in morning. I ran my hand through my short, almost bright red hair. I stared up at the sky as the big fluffy clouds moving throughout the bright blue sky. I predict it will be a very, hot, humid day later on. But beautiful non the less.

I looked back down at my feet as I continued walked and about 20 minutes later the big school building was in sight. The flag waving gently with the breeze, birds chirping as they flew past.

I slowed my pace as I neared the parking lot and hiked my backpack up higher on my shoulder, the many key chains swinging and gently hitting me on my hip.

Someone laid on their car horn as they entered the lot and I turned to yell at them, but held my tongue and smiled instead.

“Hey girl,” Kim said as she rolled down the window, also moving slowly so she could park it.

I jogged alongside her car and stopped as she gently maneuvered it into a parking space. I stood, waiting patiently as she got out of the car and went over to her.

“A-o,” I said as we greeted each other with a long awaited hug. Of course, we’re never exactly sure why we greet each other like this on the first day of school when we saw each other pretty much every day of the summer break.

We separated and she smoothed out her pink mini skirt. “Is T here yet?” she asked as she reached back into her car to get her purse and backpack.

“I just got here, how should I know?” I asked her and examined her shiny black Bentley. “I thought you said you were driving your mom’s Jaguar to school.”

She turned around and smiled at me. “Isn’t it a beauty? My parents surprised me with it this morning.” she said and shut her door. “I couldn’t wait to tell you.” she said.

I smiled at her. Her family’s pretty wealthy so she gets a lot of stuff. Usually nice and expensive stuff, like this Bentley for example. She doesn’t exactly show off that her family has money, but for the car I can understand. She had just gotten her license, along with T, this summer. It’s pretty nice to get a Bentley for your first car.

“So, should we even bother trying to look for her?” she asked me as we started to walk across the lot and into the school yard where friends were standing or sitting around in circles to catch up on each other.

“Well, knowing her, she’ll probly just be late.” I said looking around and I noticed a new face in the school yard. Of course, there was plenty of new faces from the freshmen being here, but this face looked like that of a senior, and as far as I’ve heard there hasn’t been many transfers here.

“Checking out some guys Toke?” T asked as she walked up to us.

I looked back at her and shook my head. “No, just looking around at the place that I’d rather not be at.” I told her and she smiled.

“Yeah, I’d rather be in bed sleeping.” she said and waved as a small group of people walked by.

“You’re here earlier than I’d expect.” Kim mentioned as her eyes met Matt’s. “Excuse me for a second.” she said and wandered off in his direction.

I smiled and walked over to T. “Hey, you see that kick Bentley?” she asked me, I nodded, not bothering to tell her yet that it was Kim’s. “Do you know who got it? I betcha it was one of those spoiled ass preps.” she said and paused. “They’re lucky getting something like that. They better appreciate not getting a piece of junk like I got.”

“Oh, I think Kim’s pretty damn happy she got it.” I told her with a smile.

She looked at me in surprise. “Oh, that’s hers?”

I nodded. “Yep, and I think she appreciates it.”

“Yeah,” she said and glanced around the schoolyard to find her. “Where’d she go?”

“Um, over there.” I said turning her in the opposite direction as the bell rang.

“I guess it’s time to get to class.” I said.

“Yeah, see you in homeroom.” T said and walked in a different direction to get to her locker.

I wish our lockers were together. Kim and T’s are in a totally different hall than mine is and it’s harder to get to the homeroom from mine.

I glanced at the locker numbers as I walked down the hall, looking for my own locker. I got to mine and put my combo in to open it.

“God damnit,” I heard the guy next to me murmur as he pulled the latch.

I took in a deep breath. I‘m not so good with talking to guys, especially when it’s evident and undeniable that they are good looking. “N-need some help?” I asked stuttering slightly.

He looked at me with relief practically flowing from him. “Yeah, I do.” he said and sounded slightly embarrassed, but it could‘ve just been me.

I quickly hung my backpack on the hook in my locker as he put the combo in again. I helped him pull it open but it wouldn’t budge. It wouldn’t even really shake!

“Here, let me.” I said and he moved out of the way. “What’s your combo?” I asked him. “and don’t worry, I probly won’t remember it.”

“Alright,” he said. “It’s, um, 9-32-10,”

I put the numbers in as he told them to me and lifted up on the latch and pulled. It didn’t move so I gave it a good kick and pulled on it again, wiggling it slightly. Come on, open you stupid thing. Open. Without any warning it swung open and hit me in the head. I stumbled backward into the guy, who caught me.

“You okay?” he asked and stood me back up.

“Yeah,” I said. “My head hurts, but it’ll go away eventually.” I told him.

He smiled. “Thanks for your help.” he said. “Are you a senior?”

I shook my head. “Junior, but I’ll be taking senior science.” I told him almost triumphantly.

He nodded. “Well, I have to go. Lets hope we’re in the same class.” he said.

“Yeah,” I said as he walked away. “Lets hope.” when he was gone I grabbed the stuff from my locker and headed off to class just as the bell rang. I was in a daydream the whole way there. I can’t wait till science. Goddess, let him be in the same class as me.