RedSmiles

Did you pluck this straight out of your journal? The whole piece makes me feel like you hate people, and the word 'we' means you're including yourself. You seem angry. ...

Although this is a very poetic paragraph, and I like the piece, I don't feel like it's a poem. Maybe it would better fit in the 'Narrative Poetry' Forum? Or ...

I'm not sure how to help this first sentence, but it does seem weird. It would help a little to take out 'themselves' It was a heavy beating, but not ...

Reading this piece was tons of fun and slightly touching. I understand that his tendencies to really stink with words is probably due to his mental disorder, imprisonment, and possibly ...

Hey, here is some comedy work from me. Chapter One. She sat in a dark room. She laughed as she watched the television. a dark room, laughing as she watched.. ...

Hi there flit! I don't understand why stanza's don't separate when we post, but I've learned to add a dash between them to show their separation. I really love your ...

I love your mind :)And I think this piece colors a dreamy picture for readers. I do have a few suggestions! The small waves brush against the dock. The seagulls ...

I love your idea here! Very unique and creative. There are several parts that I feel aren't portrayed correctly and some of the execution is poor. I've pointed a few ...

Hello, What a first piece this is! The entire piece is so colorful, and your metaphors are phenomenal, but I'm afraid they're so frequent it's hard for reader to see ...

So powerful! "Smile on a Face Becomes a surprise A brilliant disguise Hides the truth Tells only lies" was my favorite stanza. In my opinion you should replace all the ...

Very interesting, I especially like the first five lines. After the first five lines I feel like it gets confusing. Perhaps punctuation would help to define your thoughts? A new ...

Hello Dream Writer! I see you joined YWS yesterday, I'm new as well :) This poem is cute! You describe your thoughts and feelings well and with grace. I agree ...

Wow! I love the dramatic use of sentence fragments and the plethora of metaphors! This short story definitely leaves the reader yearning for more. You're idea here is amazing and ...