Published January 1, 2010
Smile (an absence of confidence)
By
Corwin Clampitt
Smile upon a face
Better keep it on
‘Least till their gone
‘Cuz their known to criticize
Often victimize maybe terrorize
Smile on a Face
Becomes a surprise
A brilliant disguise
Hides the truth
Tells only lies
Maybe one day
Grow up n run away
Pray that you don't become the prey
Can’t betray a game they like to play
Days start to fly
Tears start to cry
They’re all wondering why
Cuz’ Smile on a face
Portrays it’s all okay
Then insides start to decay
Slowly they will see
The ground rumbling
Feet stumbling
Walls crumbling
Break away run away
Now they all gonna pay
Don’t look back they can’t attack
Off the beaten track won’t look back
Soon they’re seeing
Flying not fleeing
Don’t wanna share this feeling
Being here is unreal
Can’t fight it
Retaliate from it
Complicate it
They won’t admit it
Cannot quit wont submit
Feel the fire burning
Eyes looking heads turning
Maybe they’re learning
Been yearning for this day
A real smile starts to fall
Here it lies don’t deny
Convince but don’t deceive
An absence of confidence but still believe
Gotta stay standing tall
Cuz the walls will fall
Freeing all
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140,588 Literary Works • 673,542 Reviews
Yup song lyrics.
Nice.. I like the ryhming and whole flow of it all. Some bits are really powerful in meaning. Maybe consider trying to write lyrics more literally (like telling what actually happened) Telling a personal story can be interesting and make the person relate to it more. By the way by lyrics it means song lyrics yes?
I think that this is a unique poem, ant you should keep up the good work.
So powerful!
"Smile on a Face
Becomes a surprise
A brilliant disguise
Hides the truth
Tells only lies"
was my favorite stanza.
In my opinion you should replace all the instances where you use 'cuz' with 'cause. I think it will help to portray your thoughts more seriously.
"Don’t look back they can’t attack
Off the beaten track won’t look back"
These lines don't read like the rest of the poem. And I'm not very fond of the repetition of 'look back'. But maybe it would roll more smoothly if broken up.
Don't look back,
They can't attack.
Off the beaten track,
Won't look back.
Over all I love it and it's brilliant! I will be excited to read more of your work!