Myth

First off, welcome to the site. I got the feeling the narrator had elements of both genders so I wasn't too sure if it was a guy/lady. From the beginning ...

“The Road Not Taken?” asked Bruce as his uncle’s car drove past a road which was labeled so. Bruce’s uncle, Mr. Bancrofti answered, “The road is forbidden, Bruce. It is ...

"Hmm, yeah that’s very interesting." I said, disinterestedly. Since he is being sarcastic here, how about replacing ‘disinterested’ with ‘in irony’? He frowned into the mirror. "Shut up idio

I can't add more to what has already been said. With Taro you have him changing personalities, he's protective of his family and then slightly mischevious. I would especially love ...

Wow, what a way to describe playing a clarinet. :D I certainly didn't think like that whilst I played. I liked the repetition of 'silver buttons' and 'minty hot breath' ...

Grif has good points towards improving your introduction. Vampires are a little cliche for me, but if you were to make them different to normal blood-sucking, night-timers,etc, you could do ...

“Ok Grace, I guess I will” he said resignedly and wandered off down an isle, the bowler still atop his head. isle should be aisle The persuers face got even ...

Green = Comments/Corrections Blue = Suggestions Black = Review * I’m sick of feeling heartbroken when I shouldn’t be when I have no right to be when I haven’t had ...

I ran to the dock, turning back to wave once more, the snow swirling in my face as if to hide what wistful fate lie before me. … what wistful ...

Green = Comments/corrections Blue = Suggestions Black = Review I have two older brothers, one two older sisters. Take out ‘one’. My two older brothers are twins and will both ...

I told my very first lie right after my mother died. I was ten. "How are you feeling, sweetheart." My father stood before me and I knew I should tell ...

There are a few typos and sometimes the dashes really got annoying. But I found I couldn't stop reading even though it went on for about 18 pages. Its not ...

"I wan' you to remember this, Murchadh, anytime you get lonely. You e'er heard this saying? I'll tell you: There is hope in the ocean, not in the grave. I'm ...

I don't really need to repeat anything that's already been said. I think the start would be a little better if some of the sentences are merged together. For such ...

Traveling to the market was never easy. Sometimes it took all his strength and will just to make a day’s journey. Then, of course, he had to pick up and ...