The Fiddler
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The title should be this:
"Beginning of Till Death's Acceptance"
I've decided not to work on grammar and typos, I think Myth has covered the majority.
untilTo begin, I don't like the first paragraph much. Its a lot of telling, unneeded also. You're just saying she's not as lucky as her sisters and she's ugly like her father. The sentences speaking of her brothers and her sisters being married and what they will do and blah blah blah seems like a bore to me. Cut it up a little, or give it some more interest.
I'd have to say the whole thing is real confusing. The transition to the man is just....lost on me until I realize its someone else. I also don't know what on earth he's talking about, and then the crazy business with all those numbers in the last paragraph makes it real dry.
Begins are supposed to tell the reader what the rest of the story is going to be about, and try to interest them. You've got my interest, I just don't know what it is I'm interested in. Also, your first person is dry, telling, and boring. You need to give her a voice, otherwise its daunting. First person is hard in that sense, you have to do it perfect or its not good at all.
I hope this helped!
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Blue = Suggestions
Black = Review
Take out ‘one’.
innn = inn
Suggestion: I looked over the customers to see if anyone needed a drink.
The girl had dealt with Martin well.
... usually found one in his or her lifetime.
The word ‘age’ missing between ‘young’ and ‘to’.
Keep the tense the same throughout your piece: Only about five girls usually were not taught out of it.
Remember tense and try not to be repetitive: Out of these five just three would want to go.
Do you see the repetition here?
definately = definitely
Since you capitalised ‘searchers’ you would need to do it every time you use ‘searchers’.
‘leopards of hawks’ I think you meant ‘leopards or hawks’.
When you switched from the girl to the other person it was quite confusing to know who he/she was. Is this the lord’s manservant or the man the girl was about to serve?
You can consider giving the character a name.
The ending was what caught my eye and I was interested in these searchers and the animal-like characteristics some of the boys and girls have. However, if you continue you should think about combining some of your sentences to make them longer so it flows.
Try to keep the sense same as I’ve pointed out and avoid repetition.
If you write further be sure to let me know.