McMourning

This was short and simple but satisfactory. I didn't know where it was going in the beginning, which is good. It wasn't predictable. I also like that we get to ...

This is not what I was expecting but in a good way. From the title I was expecting something more clinical, less prosaic. Major Depressive Disorder is a clinical psychology ...

Pomp, This was interesting. You are right that it is rough, but I think it is a good start. I am going to ignore the formatting, because this is spoken ...

LifeLovesPoetry, I think this poem has is good start, but I think there are some changes it could make. First, I like that it shows different aspects of abuse. Most ...

The sentiment of the piece about speaking up could certainly be applied to a variety of struggles and conditions. I didn't get that it was about depression at first, but ...

They're right that this is a well-written piece, but I'd like more details. Here are some questions I have to get you thinking about other things you can add. What's ...

First off, I appreciate that you are trying to tackle a difficult subject. Pornography and sex addiction are issues in our society. Second, you seem able to write very descriptively. ...

I really like your writing style. You're very descriptive and it helps me picture what's going on. So, instead of critiquing the story itself, I'll point out some wording and ...

I haven't read your other chapters, so I don't know much about your story, but I like the opening piece. In particular, I like that it mentions the Great Wall ...

I don't think I've ever seen a poem about a cold before. Kudos for your originality. I agree that the flow is off. Changing the length of the lines may ...

Even having only read this chapter, I like it. Some people don't like dialogue, but I think your dialogue helps show readers who Lily is. For example, when Lily tells ...

Hello. Overall, I really did like it. I thought the scene where X changes his skin color was very clever. In fact, X's half the story was my favorite part. ...

Overall, I like it, but I think it needs some work. The first problem I have with it is that it seems to jump around in topic. Within the first ...

It's uncommon to write a story in second person ("you"), but I think it works here. I feel like this is more of a prompt than a short story. You ...

You could say, "There are times when...". It depends on whether you are tying to write it in present tense or past tense. I think you are trying to write ...