Mars

I had to comment on this, because I adore the way you wrote the voice of the Scottish guy. At least I assume he's Scottish, since you're in Scotland. So ...

Hello! Being that our parents always dreamed of having a huge family I don't like the 'being that'. It sounds weird and sounding weird is not a good way to ...

Hello! Let me first say that I agree with Music on all the grammar points; fill it up with commas and the right dialogue tags and it will be so ...

Hey OrangeDancer! Before you post your own work, please make sure that you have reviewed at least two other pieces by other people, and keep that ratio going. If you're ...

I adore this one as well. The words flowed nicely, and there are some good images there. As time is faltered. How can something be faltered? Perhaps you could use ...

Hello! Inside a plastic girl, within a plastic shell, Lives a lonely girl begging for attention. What I don't like about this is the repetition of the word girl. It ...

Hey! So pick up your clothes and back your bags. *pack So. This piece was quite pretty, I like the way it begins as the narrator coaxing along his lover, ...

Let me say, first of all, I absolutely love this, and not just because I can relate to it. :P I have two issues. One, the in my dark room ...

Hello! He walks and walks to not go home, So there are a couple of things you could mean here: is he walking so he doesn't have to go home? ...

I love your title. :P So, here goes. danced in the dessert dry, *desert, with one s. A dessert is the sweet stuff you eat after a meal. steeling goods ...

Hello! Welcome to YWS! One of our rules is to spread the love; eg, please review two other works before you post your own, and keep the 2:1 ratio. That ...

Hello! That someday your gonna look back on the bad stuff and laugh? *you're Like losing your boyfriend, who got you pregnant only four months before, at 16, to a ...

Hello! Don’t Scream. Pain is nothing compared to what you posses. Don’t show them fear—you don’t need to fear them. *scream, lowercase. Lovely beginning, by the way. it’s now a ...

Hey! (I adore your avatar.) So, a couple of technical things to point out: 1. On YWS, we like to spread the love. Keep a 2:1 reviews to works ratio; ...

Hello! WARNING: I'm going nit-picky on this one. Ray frowned at her, but he did the same as well . However , he managed to stop himself from leaping over ...