You're a broken streetlight,
I can see it in your eyes.
Just crawling for a new life,
Your face shows the lies.
Believe in me,
Look at my soul
Let me be,
Let me go.
Your smiles break,
As time is faltered.
Your hands start to shake
While the clock is shattered.
There we go,
There we go.
Tumble down the highway.
No, I'd rather have it my way.
Look in your mirror
Take this upon your grasp
Deep Breaths till it's clearer,
Frozen against your past.
Vous êtes bel intérieur
You don't believe either word.
Even on the outside,
Your life is my world.
Here you are,
Here we go,
Frozen in time,
Frozen below.
Faster and faster,
Slipping to the ground.
If this doesn't last her,
You won't stick around.
You're so beautiful inside,
Yet your heart once stole
The faith of an obsequious lie.
And this one last sigh.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
I adore this one as well. The words flowed nicely, and there are some good images there.
How can something be faltered? Perhaps you could use has instead, so it's the same amount of syllables but it also makes sense.
That was the only real problem I had with it. Keep writing.
-Mars
wow, this. is. good.
I love the first stanza, especially. It's beautiful, your words. I like the third stanza too, the time and the clock.
I don't really have anything to critique except your use of capitalization. Unlike, what most people believe, the first letter of every line doesn't, in fact, need to be capitalized- only the first letter of every sentence in your poem.
Other than that, great job. you have awesome talent
-ash