Lynlyn

This poem is kind of funky because it seems to switch between seriousness and a strange kind of lightheartedness... it's not quite humorous though, I'm not sure I really understand ...

I really like this, and I must commend you for taking on this subject, as it's something that I feel strongly about and have never really been able to approach ...

This is a really cool concept. I especially like the line about "testing her new freedom" because that's when it goes from pure imagery to something narrative: you've given the ...

There is something really cool about your writing that I can never really put a finger on. I'm not sure what it is, maybe the way you describe colors - ...

I'm happy that you've added some more background to the plot here. There's a much greater sense of conflict in the second chapter, which is great. More tension means more ...

Peh, you're only 14? I'm jealous :P Over all, you have a great start, but there are few things that I would like to point out. The thatched rooves The ...

This is a nice start to a story; I like your finishing line. The concept is very good - I wouldn't have thought to write a story about an angel ...

The last couple sentences really confused me. Hopefully that's something you'll address in the next section of the story? It was kind of unclear to me at first that Edgar ...

Aw, this is cute. I'm happy to see that people are already experimenting with the Epilogue characters - I'm glad that Jo left it open for us. I think in ...

Which brings me right back to the idea that acrostic poems were made for 6-year-olds entering their first world of writing, and that to use them past this purpose isn't ...

Yeah, I'd have to agree. There's absolutely nothing wrong with including a bit of description or imagery in a poem, but there has to be something... there. Pure imagery needs ...

This is very, very strange. It's very apocalyptic, but then it has this rhyme scheme... it kind of throws me off, really. You have some interesting ideas, but I think ...

Chances are, if you don't know what it is and you just wrote it, you'd have better luck getting critiques and comments if you fleshed it out a little more ...

I really like this a lot. At some points I'm not really sure what it's about, but that's probably just me having a thick skull, yay. There was really only ...

This is neat, I liked the way you use musical terms as your characters' names. I hope that music somehow ties into the plot later - I assume that it ...