The Singer ch. 1

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I just started this a while ago--tell me what you think

Is it too long for one post?? I'll post smaller parts if it is.

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Cadenza grinned, knowing that no one would find her here. She gripped a thick branch with sticky, sap-covered hands and pulled herself up three feet more. Her strong brown arms wrapped around the trunk and she brushed aside a curtain of pale copper curls that had fallen down over her eyes. She reached out and cleared a cluster of leaves that draped gracefully before her.

From her perch in the old tree, Cadenza could see miles and miles over the green hills that stretched out from the forest’s feet until they met the sea in the blurry distance. The small village of Woodwind huddled between the hills and the forest, its haphazard pattern of houses and farms apparent from Cadenza’s seat in the tall forest tree. Wisps of smoke painted wistful spirals above the town, slowly dissipating into the clear air. A wagon made its way through Woodwind’s crooked streets, pulled by a mule that looked as small as an insect from where Cadenza sat.

The sun was out, shining over the town’s farms like it was overseeing the work of the farmers. Cadenza rubbed her wrist over her forehead; the sun was hot and stuffy, as though it was punishing her for shirking her duties. She let the leaves swing back into place, sheltering her from the sunlight so that she could relax in the relative shade. Eventually, her mother would come shouting through the trees and Cadenza would have to leave her hiding spot or listen to her mother scream herself hoarse, but for now, it was delicious to sit far away from the dirt of the fields and the odious glare of the horse that pulled the plough. That animal had given Cadenza more trouble than the rest of the town’s work animals gave their owners and Cadenza was happy to avoid it.

Smiling, Cadenza pulled a twig from the branch she sat on and began twisting it around on itself until its fibers parted and it frayed at the middle. It may have been slightly stuffy and sap-sticky in the tree, but it was better than sweltering out in the fields while her back ached and her feet grew tired of standing.

The sound of slow hoof steps came to Cadenza’s ears through the silent sunny woods. She froze and listened until she heard that a soft set of footsteps rustled through the loam as well. It only took a moment for her to realize that whoever it was would pass below the tree in which she perched, and she quickly pulled her bare feet up out of sight of the ground below.

A strong bay horse came into view below Cadenza, a finer animal than anything anyone in the town owned. Cadenza clutched the branches around her and peered down through the leaves as a man appeared, holding the horse’s reins. He was hooded and cloaked, and passed by without looking up to where Cadenza was hanging from the tree branches. When he had gone, Cadenza clambered higher up in the tree and looked out to the town again. The man reappeared at the edge of the forest, and stopped at the top of the sloping hill leading down to the village. He patted his horse’s shoulder and rubbed its nose, as if to thank it for bringing him so far. Cadenza thought that the horse would get a fine meal of oats when it arrived in Woodwind’s one shabby stable; the man could obviously afford it.

With the sun’s heat on his head, the man pushed his hood back, exposing raven hair. Cadenza tried to move so that she could see his face, but he was still gazing out over the green and brown squares of farmland that blanketed the hills. A moment later, his neck turned, and Cadenza had time to see that he was much younger than she had thought, before his dark eyes met hers and the branch on which she balanced let out a loud crack.

Cadenza tumbled halfway down the tree before a thick cluster of branches halted her descent. She hung, dazed and bemused, tangled in the sharp claws of the tree. When her head had cleared enough to think, the first thing she thought was how foolish she must have seemed. What was she, the eldest daughter in her family, doing in a tree shirking her chores? The humiliation slowly worked its way up her cheeks and she began to painfully untangle her arms and legs from the clutches of the tree.

After she had managed to return to the ground, Cadenza slumped against the trunk of the tree and nursed her wounds. There were several scrapes and gashes on her arms and legs, but miraculously, she had not broken any bones. After a fall like that, she would have expected at least a broken arm, if not a broken neck. She tried to mop up as much of the blood as she could and experimented with standing up. She slowly limped through the trees until she came to the end of the woods. The man had gone, and Cadenza tottered down the hill towards her house, taking a route that avoided the main part of the town.

“Cadenza! What have you done?” her mother, Rhythm, hurried out of the house and grabbed Cadenza’s arm.

“I only fell out of a tree,” Cadenza said quietly, hoping that the farm workers around her didn’t hear.

“What in Music’s name were you doing in a tree?” her mother cried shrilly. Cadenza cringed as amused faces looked up at her.

“Avoiding a—a bear,” Cadenza offered lamely.

“You silly girl, get in the house, go!”

Cadenza went in with her head bowed, burning in humiliation as well as stinging from her cuts. Her mother followed her and quickly got a warm bowl of water and a wash cloth. Cadenza sat down and let her mother clean the blood from her skin.

“Sorry Mum,” she said after a while. Her mother’s stern face melted away. Rhythm was the town’s favorite mother. She cooked for others, tended to the ill and infirm, and had a strong position on the town council.

“You could have seriously hurt yourself,” Rhythm said in a gentler voice. She tied a last bandage around her daughter’s leg and wiped her hands. “Cadenza, when will you stop climbing up trees and falling off them?”

Cadenza frowned. “It wasn’t my fault I fell. The branch broke.” She didn’t dare tell her mother about the stranger.

Rhythm sighed. “You should have been helping me here at home. I would be angry except I can’t help but think of what would have happened if you had injured yourself more.”

Cadenza pushed her mother’s hands away. “It’s all right now; I’m still in one piece. I don’t think I will be climbing any more trees anyhow.”

“Thank Music you’ve decided that on your own or I would’ve hated to lock you up at home.”

Cadenza grinned and pulled her mother’s hair playfully. “I promise to help you extra tomorrow. What can I do now?”

“Stay inside and don’t get those bandages dusty,” Rhythm said as she stood and left the room. She came back with a basket of old clothes. “You can mend these.”

Cadenza carefully concealed her grimace and took the clothes. Her mother left and Cadenza began to painstakingly sew up the holes in the old shirts and skirts. Most of the clothes were Cadenza’s old dresses and skirts that she had to repair so that Minuet and Bell could use them.

Cadenza, her mother, and her two younger sisters Minuet and Bell lived together in the house. Cadenza’s father, Rondo, had died a year after Bell was born—at least, he had gone to serve in the king’s army and had not returned since. Rhythm had dismissed his absence and told the girls that he had died fighting.

Cadenza poked her fingertip with the needle and yelped. She held the maimed finger up and scrutinized the small drop of blood that slowly bulged on her skin. She sucked on it, thinking that she had bled enough that day. She put the shirt she was mending safely out of the way and curled up on the pile of clothes. She figured she would wake up before her mother came back.

Cadenza had almost managed to fall asleep when the memory of the strange man came back to her. She sat up again, shame curdling in her stomach. She hoped he had passed through the town already, on whatever mysterious business he had. The thought of having to face him made her writhe.

Her mother eventually returned later in the evening, to find Cadenza busy mending clothes. Rhythm put the groceries in the kitchen and joined Cadenza.

“What news?” Cadenza asked casually, wrapping some thread around her finger.

“Oh, it’s as it always is,” Rhythm said slowly, “someone’s cow up and broke its leg and the butcher has fresh cuts. I bought some for dinner tonight.” She held up a slab of red meat. Cadenza grimaced and turned her face away from the raw beef.

“Anything else?” she pressed, careful not to meet her mother’s suspicious look.

“There’s a stranger in town,” Rhythm said after a long pause. Her voice was soft, and she cleared her throat abruptly. “Two of them, actually,” she continued, busying herself with the oven.

“What are they here for?” Cadenza asked, unsettled. Had two people seen her fall out of the tree?

“Oh, just—just passing through. I expect you’ll meet them tomorrow.”

“Meet them? Why would I meet them?” Cadenza’s heart thumped uncomfortably at the thought.

“Never mind, I’ve said too much,” her mother said, her voice weary. “You will probably be busy in the fields all day tomorrow anyway.” Cadenza’s next question was cut short by the entrance of her two sisters.

Minuet flounced around in front of Cadenza, sporting a new pair of shoes.

“Look what Momma bought me,” Minuet said, clicking her heels together and swinging her blond hair around her head.

“Why couldn’t you use my old shoes?” Cadenza asked, regarding the shiny leather with distaste. Minuet made a face at her older sister.

“Because yours are too big for me,” she said, and danced away to help their mother. It was true; Cadenza’s feet were monstrous. She looked down at them for a moment.

“Minuet’s had too good a day,” Bell told Cadenza. “Momma let her visit the merchant’s daughter and she stayed there for hours. She didn’t have to work at home at all.”

Cadenza frowned and pushed the heap of clothes back into their basket, too preoccupied to care about what her sisters had been up to.

“Speaking of, where were you today?” Bell’s blue eyes watched Cadenza knowingly.

“I was in the woods,” Cadenza answered. Bell grinned and tweaked Cadenza’s ear. “Stop it!” Cadenza shouted, swiping at her sister.

Bell hopped away, unperturbed. “And mother always boasts about how grownup you are,” she teased.

The three daughters ate dinner with their mother in the evening. The food was better than they usually ate, and Rhythm didn’t seem to notice when the girls squabbled. Cadenza was halfway through her portion of roast beef when she looked up and found her mother staring wistfully at her.

“What is it, Mother?” she asked.

“Oh nothing—nothing, dear,” Rhythm said, quickly composing her face in a reassuring smile. “You’re growing up, that’s all.”

Cadenza pulled her mouth into a wry grimace. “You call falling out of trees growing up?”

Rhythm laughed. “Girls, you should get to bed soon,” she said, standing and briskly clearing the table.

“Do you want me to wash the dishes?” Cadenza asked, feeling that she might as well start making up for her absence that day.

“No, you should get some sleep tonight,” Rhythm said. “Especially with all those cuts and bruises you got yourself.”

Cadenza almost argued, but her tired body told her to take the early dismissal and go to her bed, and she turned away without saying anything.

The room she shared with her two sisters was small and cramped. Cadenza’s bed was shoved into the far corner, and she wearily undressed and sat down on the edge of it. Her sisters chattered to each other as they readied for bed, and the obnoxious noise persisted for half an hour before the two younger girls quieted and fell asleep.

Cadenza pulled her blankets close around her shoulders and rested a particularly sore part of her arm on her side. She would be a mess of bruises the next day, no doubt. She pushed all thoughts from her mind and let them drift away. She would collect them again in the morning.

It was not quite midnight when Cadenza woke again. She opened her eyes in the dark and cursed herself for taking a nap earlier. She pushed the covers away in exasperation and sat up. Her cuts were beginning to sting again and her bones felt bruised; her mother’s ointments had worn off. Sleep ran out of her body, laughing as it left behind an uncomfortable wakefulness. Cadenza growled under her breath and got dressed in a loose linen shirt and a plain dark skirt. She slipped shoes over her feet and quietly moved through the dark house to the front door.

The town was quiet outside, with only faint lights coming from the windows of some of the houses. Cadenza walked softly down the road that led from her home to the center of Woodwind. The thoughts that she had worked so hard to clear from her mind tumbled back again.

Cadenza walked past the town inn, then stopped and returned to the stable. She went to the door and peered in, waiting until her eyes adjusted to the gloom within.

The dark horse stood solemnly in a near stall, and next to that, a beautiful silver mare glowed in the dim light. But what made Cadenza stumble back and clap a hand to her mouth was that a slim figure was standing next to the mare, regarding Cadenza with a mocking smile.

Comments & reviews · 2
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Lynlyn
Review
Lynlyn wrote a review · Fri Jul 13, 2007 1:08 am

This is neat, I liked the way you use musical terms as your characters' names. I hope that music somehow ties into the plot later - I assume that it will, given all the references.

I didn't really notice anything strange in the latter part of the piece, but the first half had a couple of peculiar qualities. It's very description-heavy, which is all right, but try to limit the number of adjectives that you use. Sometimes writing can get a little bogged down; try to use words sparingly. Less is more. :)

The second thing is that the first few paragraphs use very few pronouns, which I thought was a little peculiar. What would normally be "Cadenza smiled and then she fell out of a tree" is "Cadenza smiled, then Cadenza fell out of a tree" - obviously that's an exaggeration, but there were cases where it was within the same sentence. Since Cadenza is the only female character in this portion of the story, you have the option of not repeating her name quite so often because the readers can easily decipher the antecedent.

The second half was very nice, and I was especially fond of your dialogue between the sisters. A great start, and I'll try to catch up and read the rest of the chapters!

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gymnast_789
Review

...over the green hills that stretched out from the forest’s feet until they met the sea in the blurry distance.


I really like this description!

He was hooded and cloaked...


I don't think that you need 'hooded' and 'cloaked' in that same sentence, or maybe this just needs to be worded a little differently.

“What news?”


Do you mean "Whats the news?"? Try rewording this.

I really enjoyed this! You have some really good descriptions. There are some sentences in here that are worded a little funny, but over all I thought it was written very well. I didn't find any spelling or punctuation errors either. Keep it up, and tell me when you post again...I'm hooked!



Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest hearts.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind