Loose

Marge, check chapter 2 Yeah I have a problem with tenses XD

i enjoyed this, only I havent read the rest of the story so it makes no sense. But it was a good chapter 30!

okay two things: 1)That spacing is freaky and annoying 2) paragraphs!

okay, that first sentence doesnt make any sense. Did you make sure to spell check?

I cant join 2 and 3 together cos theyre different people. 2 is Rick and 3 is Claudette

okay i read it, ish. The first few lines seem a bit like a poem to me XD Yeah, it was good now you must read mine, mwahahaha

feel free to critique anytime!!

Okay, its a bit long but I got through it! Whoo! I love the names too, Nekara, Bulion But I cant really critique fantasy fiction since I cant really tolerate ...

wait, did you write this in jail or is it just your character?

=O thats fantastic. well, no it isnt, its terrible that he died and how, but its so well written, i nearly cried. is there anymore to it? thats what I ...

i enjoyed this actually. will there be any more? i want to know more about the murder itself!! ok now im feeling psychotic. its good, well written.

repeatitive sieg, not repeative, lol. and yet i agree. Its like a nursery rhyme or something. Everytime a stanza comes to an end im singing "Take this pain away" lol

no i dont, but i wish i did... :D

andy... for fantasy... i love it!! even though i pointed little details out, lol. its good.

still no jelly in the dialogue at the end, and there were things like sad faces and the word sis that arent in books. consider changing them as well, then ...