My heart is hurting,
Like a muscle, used too much.
My heart has been used,
In more than one way;
Take this pain away.
My heart has been left,
Then drowned in salty tears,
Burning like pure acid,
Making my heart cramp.
Take this pain away.
My heart has been abused.
It loved my mother,
Who never loved me back.
How can it ever trust again?
Take this pain away.
My heart is cold,
Just like a rock of ice.
Every time it beats,
I feel an icing pain,
Take this pain away.
My heart has been broken,
Before it was even whole.
Don’t tell me a story,
Of heartaches, I know it all.
Take this pain away.
Don’t touch my heart,
If you do, you’ll leave me,
I know it so well,
Just like everyone else.
Take this pain away.
One of these days,
I’ll stop its beat,
Let it rest, forever.
It will be a delighted sigh.
Take this pain away.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey there! I liked this poem! It was very nicely written. I like how at the end of every stanza you repeat the phrase. I don't have anything bad to say about this, so just keep up the good work, keep up the good writing, and I really hope to read more of your work =)
This is good. I do agree, it is a little repeative, but otherwise, very good. I really like your writing.
It is very full with emotions and makes me wonder what kind of life this person had. You are a talented writer, but please, try to be a little less repeative. That's it. ♥ it though.
Im afriad i also have to agree with Seig, this was way too repetative, but ther than that i quite liked it. A bit of editing and it could be really good!
repeatitive sieg, not repeative, lol.
and yet i agree. Its like a nursery rhyme or something. Everytime a stanza comes to an end im singing "Take this pain away"
lol
This poem would of been good if it hadn't been so repeative. I had difficulty at finishing this, because of repeating of my heart non-stop. I wouldn't say scrap it completly maybe just rewrite it so it's less repeative good luck.
Vernon