Loose

A little girl in a blue dress the deep color of the evening sky with white lace like stars frolics with a friend. Did you think that first sentence through? ...

Your mistakes: Underline is a missed capital Bold is a spelling mistake There he stood, tall, slim, but in his own way, handsome. It's his eyes. I thought, for they ...

On the forest floor scurried a murmuring, shimmering stream filled with clear, cold water. There is nothing wrong with the adjectives here The twenty five men and women that now ...

This is short so it's hard to critique, which probably explains why I'm the second. This shouldn't be in Romantic Fiction, it should be in a Poetry forum. Also there's ...

Yay for short chapters!! I'm following that style myself. However I didn't like this. The first sentence drags on. Too long. And there really isnt much else to comment on, ...

This had only one crit so I thought I might add :) Only Im not sure what to add. Just that I dont think "minutes away from hers" would work. ...

I proof read this because Fand hit the big problem on the head. Where are the paragraphs? ALSO you have a problem with you're spelling! You are aware that there ...

XD i love that rihanna song! This poem sounds more like a little riddle tune thing you teach year 2s after a spelling test. Only a bit more grown up. ...

Ive been going through a phase lately where Im addicted to stories that arent just "chapter one chapter two chapter three" 2 pages long. AND I LOVED THIS!! Its a ...

This was good. Youve got enough critiques but that wont stop me. I agree with Sam, well the first thing they said. The first line needs a bit more grab. ...

Inevitably, night gave way to the golden rays of the rising sun, although by then Leurs, a farming hamlet similar to most of the settlements ranging across the vast expanse ...

but it still remained confusing to me. I agree with that, and with misty. a)Theres no hook. People are going to read this easily because its short, but be thinking ...

this is a bit of an improvement to some other work ive read, but you still have things like Jane let out a sigh of frustration. Why it was making ...

... a) no real hook. perhaps if you mentioned lillian was crying in the first sentence? b) " Lillian, you won't be leaving me and I won't be leaving you. ...

hook. where's the hook? you need to keep the reader reading with interest. "A young woman sat in the library of her master's home absorbed in a book." isnt a ...