Hey I am trying to write a story about a mother and daughter and I would just like ppl to look at the intro and tell me what they think about it.Im trying to perfect every single step of the story before I move on.Is the a good strategy btw?Oh yeah, and concerning its length, its purposefully short keeping in style with the story i'm writing.Thnkx.
Sitting here in the dark staring into the apparent oblivion I am the closest to peace that I will ever reach in this painfully mortal existence. Tears are rolling lifelessly down my face for they lack the energy to be angry, sad or tortured. In my mind I can still hear her. I can always hear her for she has become the discordant symphony that is the perfect accompaniment to my life. And so she is there barely above a whisper but forceful and warped as ever. Though I try not to I clasp to her words for they have power. Power, to incite the deepest hatred, or foster the purest love. If only her hatred were but a façade that could be dissolved in tears or her love more than obligatory. But that is in the world of dreams, a realm which has abandoned me, taunting me with escape just beyond my reach.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,853 Reviews
Ok.Thanks everyone.I'll make some edits and try to post a couple of the chapters soon
I think bring the story mor einto play so i can fully see what it is im waiting for
Hallelujah for short chapters, but i still favor the long ones. Although this wasn't my favorite
aha. I like this, though I can only judge by the style and use of description/other fancy things. You did well, though only time can tell when the real story comes into play.
Keep up the good work!
-JC
Yay for short chapters!! I'm following that style myself.
the only way to go) and try to develop a style that interests readers.
However I didn't like this. The first sentence drags on. Too long. And there really isnt much else to comment on, with the length. Maybe try making the prologue, introduction, whatever this is, a bit more striking. Look at other peoples examples, like mine (hehe self promotion