Young Writers Society

Here's as a short story. I changed the conflict a little because Jill has to be mad at Laurie, and this way Laurie doesn't sound so much like a slut. Tell me which one you prefer, short story or diary. Just a sample- tell me what you think.

I watched Laurie walk down the hall in front of me. My cheek still burned from where she had slapped me earlier that morning.

I went to my locker and jerked at my math book, pulling out two of my spirals and my library book onto the ground. Dania walked by laughing. Normallly, Laurie would've stood up for me, but she just watched. I wondered why on earth she was mad over something so small! It didn't make that much of a difference!

Okay, I need help. Should I just change it to a short story? I think it would be so much easier. I want the story to be about Laurie, because in the end something will happen to her, not Jill. I don't seem to be adding enough detail or interesting points through a diary. Maybe I'll write it as a short story and post it and see which is better. If anybody has any tips, let me know.

i like diary stories, but i think you should provide a little bit more information in the entries. we want to be introduced to the writer, not JUST laurie. unless you're doing some kind of thing where the whole story is really about laurie and someone else is narrating it through a diary. that would be really cool.
and if you ARE doing that, then we should find out more about laurie.

wow, thanks that was really helpful. I'm up to the challengeg!

Hey, Trackgal!

Cool story- diaries are always very fun to read. It's like real snooping, only with a lot better stories. I did like how realistic the piece was, too...very engaging.

There were a few things I think you should look at, though:

TEEN ANGST: Is not something you want in liberal amounts in your story. In small amounts- maybe a bit of boy troubles every now and again- it's okay, but still not great. You want really interesting, original conflict, right?

Here are a few tips:

- Don't get too caught up in 'grown up' drama. "Going out" is kind of a joke in middle school- no one ever goes to movies or anything, and it really doesn't change in eighth grade, either. (The last movie I went to go see was Blades of Glory with my band camp pals. Really not that glamorous.)

What makes writing about people our age exciting is the unique conflicts that come up- with school and parents and trying to figure out where you fit in. Besides, boys are odd. Why spend all your time writing about them?

- Make sure you've got original characters. If you're not quite sure where to begin, sift through the Writing Tips forum to find ones about characters- Snoink wrote one, "Five Steps to Great Characters" (or something like that) that I live by.

Another good thing to try is the "Original Fiction Mary Sue Litmus Test". Run it by Google and you should be able to find it- it's a very good indicator of whether or not your character is original and realistic.

I'd also suggest you join the 'Character Development' usergroup. It's a great way to get involved in YWS- and it's got some of the coolest exercises around. Last summer, when it was at its peak, it was really amazing...there are all kinds of things you learn about your characters when you ramble about them for awhile.

- Make sure you've got likeable characters, as well. Laurie's supposed to be your main character's best friend, and yet I absolutely hate her because she sounds like...well, a slut, in blunt terms. She's mean and backstabbing and has a bazillion boyfriends. Not the kind of person I'd want to hang around.

BALANCE: Finding the balance between different elements in a story is super-hard. When do you put in dialogue, and when do you change conflicts?

The main thing I noticed about this story was the fact that it was all about Laurie and Mike! This is your character's diary, so it's going to be about what's mainly on her mind, but there's got to be something going on that involves her, right?

Diaries are tough because it's hard to show and not tell. That's where actually keeping a diary or a blog helps- in order to keep people reading, you have to find out how to format it so that it's interesting. Simply telling us about what happened won't do. You've either got to write it out in short story or script form, or ramble about something you like in a coherent manner. If it's all, "OMGAZZZ! I HATE HER! I WANT TO DIE!" everyone's going to start laughing.

That's not a good thing. You don't want people laughing about your life, do you?

So, that's my challenge to you. Work on some character development and keep a diary- after all, truth is stranger than fiction. If you pay attention to everything that happens to you (even the mundane), you'll have some pretty awesome characters and you'll completely rock the diary format.

___

Feel free to PM me if you've got any questions, okay? I hope to see some more diary entries soon...

Yeah its a diary. Glad you liked it. Thanks for the tips, I'll go back and add more detail!

Ive been going through a phase lately where Im addicted to stories that arent just "chapter one chapter two chapter three" 2 pages long. AND I LOVED THIS!! Its a diary right? Its pretty cool.

ONLY it seems a little empty to me. There's no defined plot line, no real hook at the start and not a lot of description. Maybe you should write a bit more to help support this.