Liz

You've got a nice pace in here, and the emotion is really raw. Good job with that. What I think you could improve is the originality. Position the subject somewhere ...

Very nice. You pulled off the rhyme well - normally I find rhyming poems hard to swallow, but in this poem it worked nicely. Also well done with your imagery. ...

Brilliant atmosphere and strong concept. One small thing - the linebreak at the beginning of the 4th stanza didn't seem to fit with the flow of the rest of the ...

It works better than your first draft. I like the rhythm you've got here and your concept is also interesting. Maybe you could try condensing it a bit further; you ...

Nice idea, perhaps a little too much ambiguty but that certainly adds interest! I think at times you fell into the trap of being too obvious, for example: That made ...

Not bad, you have a few interesting ideas in here but I think you could have expressed it a little more originally seeing as it's a pretty outworn subject. Also, ...

Strong concept with some really interesting images and ideas. Some of the word choices could probably be re-thought, like the one Staring_at_ceiling pointed out. Maybe "more bitter" or another word ...

Wow, your imagery in here is beautifully intense. It's very loaded, perhaps overly so. I think that makes it a bit hard to follow at times, maybe it would be ...

I love your tone. It was consistent throughout the whole story, so you really pulled that off well. You also develop the plot really well, and I like the cyclic ...

I also thought this was a really interesting piece. The first say 5 lines and the last couple are probably your strongest, I think you lose the reader a bit ...

okay, for one this is too overloaded. you've weighed it down with heavy words that suffocate the poem. words like "hateful", "violent personality", "breathtaking emptiness", they need room to breathe.

i think, like emotion_less said, it could be a little condensed, but the direct repetition is nice, it adds a lot to the whole poem. the puntuation seemed a little ...

nice. you've got some awesome similes in here, it really makes the poem. i found the shifting focus a little off-putting, the way the object is sort of the first ...

i really like this, it's a brilliant concept which is very nicely executed. i think in the first line the rhythm could be a little less interrupted without the dash, ...

I agree it seems unfinished. The concept seems sort of empty, I think it could be brought our more clearly. Maybe develop your ideas a bit more, without leaning too ...