"The Flower Not The Knife" - Sliced & Diced Version
Look on the bright side of life,
think of the flower not the knife.
One can be bleak,
but there is no adtvantage
To live in a hole,
eyes sensitive to the light.
Hiding away will not help,
wash your troubles away.
Bring yourself up,
not down.
Stand tall, look others in the eye,
not down on the floor.
Free your mind,
free your spirit.
Live to love,
love to live.
Appreciate this life
and the people in it.
If you hate this life
you must hate yourself.
Turn back, backtrack,
love this life, love yourself.
You are who you are,
there's no changing that.
Beauty is visible
only to those who seek it.
But beauty is everywhere
and in everything.
Set out to find it
and it will find you.
Merge, blend, become one,
discover beauty, discover yourself.
---
"The Flower Not The Knife" - Original Version
Look on the bright side of life,
think of the flower not the knife.
One can be bleak,
but there is no adtvantage
to push yourself, bury yourself
in complete and utter darkness;
To live in a hole
eyes sensitive to the light.
Just like that little dirty mole
who lives in the damp underground.
Bring yourself up
not down.
Learn to love yourself,
that's the first step.
Stand tall, look others in the eye
not down on the floor.
Free your mind,
free your spirit.
Live to love,
love to live.
Appreciate this life
and the people in it.
Hiding away will not help,
wash your troubles away.
If you hate this life
you must hate yourself.
Turn back, backtrack,
love this life, love yourself.
Beauty is everywhere
and in everything.
You are who you are,
there's no changing that.
Beauty is visible
only to those who seek it.
Push it away
and it will not come your way.
Set out to find it
and it will find you.
Merge, blend, become one,
discover beauty, discover yourself.
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Canary word: Present
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
I really liked it. Some of the verses don't seem to fit in, though and it carries on a little too long. With a little rewriting it would be excellent.
Not bad, you have a few interesting ideas in here but I think you could have expressed it a little more originally seeing as it's a pretty outworn subject.
Also, maybe it would be better to condense the whole thing? I agree with Kylan, it seems repetitious at times as well as a little long-winded. It would be stronger if you drew your ideas together with more clarity. Couplets can also be hard to pull off, maybe rethink your stanzas?
Anyway some nice lines, I quite enjoyed it.
Very good! It really makes you think. It addresses what lots of teens feel and struggle with. I loved it. Good job! Keep it up!
Goldie
Excellent poem!!! I do have a few suggestions though. The entire thing is a little repetitious. I think it would be even more powerful if you cut out a couple couplets...
Also, this line, "Just like that little dirty mole
who lives in the damp underground.", is awkward. It seems a little childish and whimsical... But then again, that's kind of what poetry's all about.
Keep up the good work
-Kylan