Nameless
men come crawling
out of the alleys
through
the dark architecture
of a summer night.
A writer
with his dirty, empty
briefcase,
drags his feet
across the concrete
wallowing in his own failure.
The cheaters
come out to play,
walking swiftly
with their mysterious
charm and sneaky mischief
painted across their faces.
Gamblers
with broken lives
looking for the perfect score,
shuffling down the street,
hands in pockets
clutching their money.
Broken heroes
tripping over cracks
in the sidewalk,
they pass others
only to see
mirrors of themselves.
Lady Luck has spurned them all.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello Fabien,
This feels exhausted: the list of all the standards in all their standard descriptions serves to...what? "Lady Luck"--blatant in all the trappings of contrition--only deflates what was already a mediocre close.
The "face" image/idea was poked at twice, haphazardly, as though no thought were put into it.
You would be better suited finding a trash bin than putting any more effort into this.
All the best,
Brad
Brilliant atmosphere and strong concept. One small thing - the linebreak at the beginning of the 4th stanza didn't seem to fit with the flow of the rest of the poem. What about cutting the line after the word "Gamblers"? I also didn't like the line "wallowing in his own failure" in the second stanza, it seemed too melodramatic, almost comical, and didn't complement the rest of the dark mood you built up.
Aside from that, nice work, I really enjoyed this.
That's a very interesting poem. It could be interpreted multiple ways, not one of them without interest. Except for those who would see it as it is. For instance, a while ago some girls in my English class thought the poem "The Road Not Taken" was clearly referring to nothing more than two roads and couldn't posibly hold any inner meaning. If they read this poem they probably wouldn't get it either!
That's a really interesting poem. The imagery is excellent, and I like the feeling, though the undercurrent is slightly dark...
It makes me wonder what inspired it...