Liz

pmsing? and this is... Lucky girl :wink: I liked the poem. It's hard to pull off stream-of-consciousness and just plain rambling, but you did pretty well. Towards the end you ...

Ah, I liked the time and sand part. Nice poem, I liked the concept. What you need to do though, is take out some of those commas. I remember the ...

Where do I start? Nickelpickle is right. I see you standing in a crowd my heart beats faster as you turn around you give me a smile i want to ...

Yeah, try to be more subtle. Also, your similes and images are more like cliches. Her eyes, blue so bright Her hair is brown, soft as silk Her clothes shimmer ...

hmmm...first part reminded me of Pogo's "More blah blah blah." i read it on TYWC ages ago. "oh my god. did you know i used to write? yeah and i ...

yeah, i liked the simplicity, but i too thought it was a bit cliched on the whole. Also, the rhythm is sort of disrupted in the second half. you start ...

Hmm...I think you need more. Good concept, but it's expressed a bit unoriginally. Mainly because it's subject commonly written about. Also, take out the exclamation mark in the second stanza. ...

I liked it...good rhythm and all. It's just a bit awkward in parts, especially the first stanza. Just tweak it around a bit. I understand that it's meant to rhyme, ...

i liked it...but yeah it seemed a bit forced. i know what you're trying to get at, but i really had to ponder over the concept instead of being smashed ...

Good stuff, pretty packed-full. I especially like the tone you used. It was witty and satirical at times but was still serious enough to be powerful and important. Some of ...

Yeah, it was pretty unoriginal, mainly because you spelt everything out to us. You told us your feelings and emotions rather than showing them through imagery and metaphors etc. That ...

I quite like it. Okay, so there are some cliches but I think they're acceptable ones :) We came here like the raindrops Blind to where we would land I ...

I liked the casual tone of the poem. Angst, angst, piss, bitch, moan, Yeah, that was kind of...I don't know, I didn't like it. Rage in their simmering cesspools Deep ...

Yeah, you need to work on the flow. Give me some consolation For what you've done to me Allow me to feel like I deserve to know Why I don't ...

I like this. The way the tone changed from the beginning to the end was very effective; it conveyed the idea if guilt and developing emotions throughout the time period ...