Published February 12, 2005
My Pillow is wet with tears again.
Another person left behind.
Am I that forgettable?
Doesn’t anyone notice me?
Remember my name?
See my face?
Doesn’t anyone want to find me?
In this place so close to hell.
Damned to eternal solitude.
Trapped in this place that has long grown cold.
If only I were somebody with acceptance.
Somebody can say my name knowing its me.
Stranded alone.....
Stranded in a room that’s been flooded so long.
I can feel it soaking in....
Forever trapping my inside myself
Please post and tell me what you thought of it ^.^
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141,360 Literary Works • 674,381 Reviews
Hmm...I think you need more. Good concept, but it's expressed a bit unoriginally. Mainly because it's subject commonly written about. Also, take out the exclamation mark in the second stanza. It disrupts the mood and rhythm.
However, you had some nice moments in this. I liked the flood metaphor, soaking in and all. Just work on it a bit.
Something I think a lot of people can relate to in some way or another. Very powerful statements and questions. Good thought provoker. Well done.