Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Dramatic

peppermint whispers (16+)

by Galatea

peppermint whispers
her eyes defiant
I know she wants me
the way she cocked her head
licked her lips
beckoned me to the stairwell
her costume
revealing just enough to make me
I knew she wanted it
so we tumbled upstairs
her breath sweet
peppermint Scnapps
our dance ended on the couch
in the guest room
her boots, her fishnet stockings
her tiny black thong
piled on the floor with own clothes
peppermint’s whisper rings
spinning in my drunk brain
she’s small, easy to overpower
and now, she’s stopped kicking
stopped fighting
stopped struggling
why would she struggle?
I know she wanted me!
now she gets me.
she asked for it.
I saw it in those smoky eyes
I saw it!
that makes it okay, right?
those defiant eyes
spilling tears
still desire me (I think)
it’s okay
holding her still
tasting her flesh
peppermint whispers
I stop
god knows why I stop.
and I finally remember
peppermint whispered
I roll away
sitting on the edge of the couch
I can’t look at her as she gathers
her clothes
desperately trying to remember
what mistake I almost made
and when the door closes
her scent lingers on the air
and I swear peppermint whispers thanks.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
3747 Reviews

Points: 2312
Reviews: 3747

Fri Jul 24, 2009 10:21 am
Snoink says...

This poem is almost five years old. ^^


User avatar
57 Reviews

Points: 4532
Reviews: 57

Fri Jul 24, 2009 8:57 am
View Likes
VeraWinters wrote a review...

This is great, I love stories like this, that show a not so noble act through the eyes of the person commiting it.
There is a underlyning innocence in the narrater is really well done.
I love the peperment wispers line, it shows some real character in the girl,
some suggestion and things to improve on.
the setting is hardly described
It's an idea to turn this into a short story instead of poetry,
there are a lot of adjectives, which are very welll used, try changing them, it will transform the writing.
keep writing

User avatar
73 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 73

Sun Jan 02, 2005 7:05 pm
convintojm says...

it's pretty good. i like how you add little details that make the poem more real. i do agree about the transition though it does seem a little off but i think overall good job.

User avatar
915 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 915

Sun Jan 02, 2005 12:19 pm
Incandescence wrote a review...

This is good, to an extent. The conversion from "yes" to "no" was not as good as it could be. It seemed to lack something vital to the flow of the story. I believe the problem was you lost poetry and began narration. You had no metaphors, no sexual innuendos, no nothing, until it was too late and I was writing this post. I'm sorry, this is good anyway.

I'm just a bitch tonight.

User avatar
321 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 321

Fri Dec 17, 2004 7:01 am
Liz wrote a review...

I like this. The way the tone changed from the beginning to the end was very effective; it conveyed the idea if guilt and developing emotions throughout the time period in which this was happening. The clash of the guilty and the innocent is also deepened by the name "peppermint" given to the girl (suggesting sweet).
Good work.

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
— Dr. Seuss