Liz

Nice. You've got a strong, original voice going on here and your simplicity works great. I did feel like the first stanza sank a bit too far in the realms ...

Nice, but as you said yourself, the formal tone doesn't do much for the emotion and message you want to convey. Though the matter of crossing over said line ourselves, ...

Well I would definitely suggest reading it aloud, to get a real feel for the rhythm of the piece. At the moment it's not really clear, and your linebreaks need ...

Quite beautiful, although I think the plot wasn't as effective as it could have been. I think you could turn it into an effective prose piece, because as a poem ...

This is fairly bland. I think what you need is to fix up the rhythm. Try reading it aloud - does it flow like a poem? Your complete sentences make ...

This belongs in the lyrics section. It's not poetry right? Anyway, I'll do my best to critique anyway... I thought it kind of fell down in its bluntness. Of course ...

This could be a strong poem, because you've got a solid idea and situation, but it felt a bit bland to me. It was all a bit overwhelming, because you ...

Solid idea, nice work. The main weaknesses were in your tendency to over-write. You overused adjectives in a lot of parts, and this weakens the impact of your other words ...

Nice rhythm and tone, I really felt it. I did think it was a bit empty - it was hard to cling onto your meaning because there wasn't any meaty ...

Nice. I actually liked the rhythm, it was like hearing a voice speak the poem, so two thumbs up for that. I did think it went on a big too ...

This probably can't be called a poem. Where's your structure, rhythm and heightened, original understanding of language? It's more of a list, or something you would say to someone. It ...

I like your idea, but it does seem a bit bland and the execution could be improved. I found your expression was far too obvious and direct, while the idea ...

Pretty solid idea, and good on you for writing about it. The faults I found in this were basically its obviousness and its vagueness. I wanted to feel for these ...

Generally good. You used an age-old idea in a pretty original idea with a nice extended metaphor. I wasnt too sure about the lines in brackets. Although the first one ...

I liked your content, I thought most of your ideas were pretty original, but I have to say that in some ways it had a stream-of-consciousness, first-draft kind of feel ...