Published February 15, 2008
It matters because you wanted it first.
It matters because the only guy in the world you ever wanted is now in her arms.
It matters because you just don’t get what he sees in her that he can’t see in you.
It matters because you realize if he can’t see it in you, he’s very shallow in deed.
It matters because you can’t quite wrap your head around the possibility he really has found someone else, yet you haven’t.
It matters because it breaks your heart a lot to see them together.
It matters because it feels like you’re never good enough no matter what.
It matters because through it all, that tiny crush will always be there.
It matters because the stare games and the mind twists meant nothing and you know it.
It matters because there are still some nights you find yourself unable to sleep because of him.
It matters because he really is a jerk inside and you know it.
It matters because you go through everything to do what’s right.
You don’t see the signs.
You don’t read the signs.
You ignore everyone around you, who’s telling you what’s right.
I don’t feel like I need to say anymore.
After all, it doesn’t really matter to you.
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it was really blah blah... i mean you repeated the same line over and over ... theres no structure whatso ever so its really not even considered a poem so it needs alot of reediting
This needs to be fixed. Keep up the good work!
-Rick
Hi
I liked reading this poem, it is detailed and interesting, you started out with a popular idea and turned it into your own personal views.
There are a few changes I would make personally, however the content is fine.
Well done.
Dofs...
I dunno... I'm not a poetry critic and I will admit it right now so that no one blasts me for not knowing what I am talking about, but I liked the repetition. It is repetitive. The entire message of the poem is repetitive and that's what I like about it.
Why does poetry have to have all of those things in it? Isn't repetition a poetic device? Maybe not... Like I said, not so much the poetry critic.
I liked it. It seemed to be something of a scolding by a conscience to their charge. Kind of cool, if that is what you had in mind.
Maybe it isn't Robert Frost, but it's not a bad job. Good luck with your writing!
~GryphonFledgling
Hi!
I really enjoyed your poem! I don't have any crits, nor am I very good at them. Lol, well I thought it was very well donr. And I love how you started most of the lines with "It matters becasue", I love it!!
Kelsi =)
Well, the fact is, I'm not a good crit when it comes to poetry, but I liked this. Perhaps it isn't really a poem, more a piece of prose... maybe?
I liked it for what it was, even if it was slightly clichéed, unrquited love always does have that bit of cliché hanging aroung it.
But I know what the others say when they say it isn't exactly a poem. And I do have to admit that: "It matters because you can’t quite wrap your head around the possibility he really has found someone else, yet you haven’t." took me three read-overs before I got it.
But don't feel disheartened by that!
And by the way, welcome!
Its a little overrated and cliche for me because i don't like the repitition. It gets annoying like i said before on your last critique. I don't feel like typing it over again.
I am tired its late at night that is why. But i like what you said in it.
Have a good day Simon
Hi Monstrar-
Welcome to YWS! Please take a moment to look at the Rules & Guides. We do ask that you make two reviews of others work before posting every one piece of your own and that the ratio remains at least 2:1. Thanks!
Now onto the poem...
Please please please don't start every line with the same phrase. This is durogatory, boring, and plain evil to the ear. Especially when the phrase is five syllables and sixteen letters worth of a repeat.
Also, there really isn't anything poetic about this. It's all written in complete sentences with an enter button hit in between. There needs to be some poetic elements in a poem for it to be called a poem: similies, metaphors, carefully chosen diction, flow, format, style, etc.
My biggest suggestion would be to read lots and lots of poetry and try to decide a few things in each poem: what is the author trying to say, what makes it poetry, why was it published. And then apply that to your own poetry.
Good luck!
This probably can't be called a poem.
Where's your structure, rhythm and heightened, original understanding of language?
It's more of a list, or something you would say to someone.
That's overwritten. Poetry doesn't need to be in full sentences, it can be written in fragments.
Try mixing up the beginnings of your lines. That'll make it a lot more interesting for the reader and force you to think of some different things to say. Try being more detailed. I think you've got so bogged down in the vague concept of what you've thought about, that you've failed to think about what makes this sort of poem powerful toother people reading this. We don't know what you're refering to when you say, for example:
But we want to care. What makes poems like this original isn't their subject (because that's been done a million times before, that's why you need to be unique), it's the little details and idiosyncracies that belong to the poet. Write them.