Livinginfantasy

Wow! You take constructive criticism very well! You manage to enhance ypur writing and listen to everyone and take it all in while never losing your piece by changing too ...

Oh no. no no no no no.... For this to be taken seriously, it needs ALOT more! The previous poster gave you some great advice... follow it!

Ahh... Much better. You still need help in showing- giving visuals to your reader- but you have the right structure down and I still hear your voice. Much better indeed. ...

I never thought so many people would comment... and like it! Thanks everyone! I'll be sure to use all the advice people have given me the future. This isn't meant ...

Oh yeah, another fav! Very nice. Please don't change the structure!! I love it! The quick, choppy sentences worked for this topic. I felt like I was inside your head. ...

Hilarious! Woah, I'm jumping back 4 years, but, I just wanted to see anything that was made a while ago. And I am so glad I did, this is so ...

Yes! I love appreciation for cliche. It's something I think isn't given much of a chance anymore. I love the first two stanzas. Very nice word choice and structure. Also, ...

I came back! Okay, very nice bit! You tied it in really well with the story. I almost forgot that you added a whole scene to this. Well done. I ...

I really liked the rhythm and word choice. But I think you should have added more. It feels... incomplete. I'm not one to give long reviews, so I'll leave off ...

What's up with all the repetition? If cut that out and add actual content, It would be a whole lot better! How can this be a song? Stop relying on ...

I loved it! I found nothing wrong, and I found a very powerful message. Are you sure this is your first attempt? :wink:

I envisioned all that you said in this piece. It's so clear and has a nice flow. Thank for showing your me city. I felt as if I was right ...

I like the rhyming flow! I found this to be very entertaning, especially the brutal abusement of the poor puppies. You're quite the jokester aren't you? -Livinginfantasy/Stella