Published December 4, 2004
Here's a little clue of what to do, if your son's best mate is Vanessa.
If he likes to dance, swaps horror for romance,
And applies for work ex as a hairdresser.
Parent's don't be alarmed, your childs not yet harmed, but there's something I have to say.
You know Tad? Your strapping lad?
Well I'm afraid he's becoming gay.
Now I know it's a shock, but just hide that frock and follow each step of my guide.
Don't ask him outright, you'll give him a fright,
And tempt him to reveal and not hide.
First let him sniff glue, get a football tattoo and rebel as much as he can.
Cuz if you set laws, he'll have on your draw's,
Then you'll be raising a bitch not a man.
Ban watching of soaps, tell racist jokes and watch out for developing lisps.
Buy him lesbian porn, pray it gives him the horn,
In turn this will strenghten limp wrists.
This may all seem extreme, but to prevent a queen, nothing is to big of a chore.
Make sure he drinks pints, steer him into street fights,
Though you'll have to scrape his ass off the floor.
Well my advice is through, this is all I can do, there's no number if you need more help.
But if before meals, he wants to express how he feels,
Beware! This kids coming out!
Now he's lifted the lid, forget that grandkid, but watch your heart, deep breath and relax.
As an after-thought, there's one last resort,
Do you remember what you did with that axe?
Yo please don't kick me off this site, I'm jus playin.
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141,261 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
I don't have any problem with gay people either, but this poem was the funniest poem I've read so far, hands down! The last line was perfect, it really finished it off. I wish I could rhyme like this...
-kittykat
Hilarious!
Woah, I'm jumping back 4 years, but, I just wanted to see anything that was made a while ago. And I am so glad I did, this is so great!
A few grammatical errors, but other than that, flawless and funny!
That was great! I am in no way against homosexuals but that poem was hilarious. Especially the last line. I loved it.
LOL! Omg, that was great.. especially the last line. It was sickly hilarious.
By the way, I have nothing against gay people either. One of my very good friends is gay.. actually, two of them are. I love them just as much as any of my other friends.
Tongue in cheek. I like it. There are a few places that are weird rythmically, but I'll look to those when I have more time.
Ever see the movie But I'm a Cheerleader!? Its brilliant. I highly recommend it.
HA! This made me laugh. The ability to pull off good satire is an uncommon and wonderful gift. Being as cynical a child as I am, satire is easily relatable. You chose good words, kept the rhythm and didn't stray from your message or meaning. This is an excellent piece, as well as being hillarious. Kudos.
Ha... I am in no way against gay people, or anything of that nature.. Anyone can do what they want in my opinion - but I do believe this poem is VERY funny!
you warned in the title that it wasn't suitable for small children, so its fine to stay here in my opinion.