Morskigrad

by Bjorn

Published March 19, 2008

If I may be so bold as to post one more poem in the same run...
(Morskigrad is a fictional city I have envisioned)





Morskigrad

In Morskigrad by the sea,
City fair by azure waters,
Where once dwelt a happy sea-folk free,
Amidst its gleaming white towers:

There is a great, doleful building
Of blackened marble and grimed panes,
Which feels no life but the wind's flitting,
Whose hearths lay host to no more flames.

(And) In that sullen, somber hall,
Graven long ago in cold stone,
The Guardians of old stand tall
Forever lifeless and alone.

Stern and proud they blindly gaze
Between high marble pillars,
But all is in a darkened haze-
No flick'ring wicks or burning briars.

So there it sits amidst that mourning city,
As a doting king doth on his beauteous throne:
A broken heart shown no pity;
A mighty animal stripped to the bone.

In Morskigrad by the sea,
City bare by churning waters,
Where dwell those evil men in glee
Amidst its crumbled white towers.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Bjorn
Comment
Bjorn commented Comment · Mar 20, 2008

Ah, thank you, both of you! I wasn't sure about the pillars/briars myself. I thought maybe I could get away with it, we'll see (though I suppose I didn't ^_~). As for the and in the parentheses, I'm not sure. I guess I wasn't sure whether to include it or not, or substitute it for something else. I'll see what others say. Thanks again! :)

User avatar
Livinginfantasy
Comment
Livinginfantasy commented Comment · Mar 19, 2008

I envisioned all that you said in this piece.
It's so clear and has a nice flow.
Thank for showing your me city. I felt as if I was right there.
:D

User avatar
RoryLegend
Review
RoryLegend wrote a review Review · Mar 19, 2008

Nice job, very well done. I like the imagery, I can really see this place in my head. The only part that threw me was the rhyming between briar and pillars in the fourth stanza, unless it wasn't meant to rhyme, I just figured you would be following you rhyme scheme. Since I am new to poetry I was wondering why is And in parenthetical statements in stanza three line one?

Overall nicely done!

~Rory Evelyn Legend



Every time I’ve gotten feedback that was hard to take it was usually hard to take because there was truth in it and I didn’t like that (or didn’t want to receive it). That’s not to say all harsh feedback is good or that we should be harsh for harshness’ sake, but learning to absorb truth without letting it break your inner core/break you is a lifelong skill that keeps your mind elastic and open to learning.
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