Lilyy03

Well it looks like this could be a good story, but there really are a lot of spelling and punctuation mistakes that detract from it. So I can't really say ...

It was good. I agree it seems a little too preachy (and knowledge of facts and details often is important if you seriously want to affect the big picture, but ...

I liked this in some ways. Her way of thinking is interesting to see. The narration was unusual--suitably robotic at times. Though, in a few places it seems to be ...

Very cute and funny. :) Gotta love dogs. In addition to putting spaces between paragraphs, there should also be space (as in spacebar) after punctuation. That'd make it quite a ...

Good story... Quite chilling. :) Just a few minor things I noticed... The girl gasped heavily, her breath melting on the bronze dagger at her neck. "Gasped heavily" is ok, ...

Yeah, as others have said, putting space between paragraphs makes it easier to read. :) It looks pretty good so far (and I think the title is great), but here ...

Great story :) Maybe It had died, of grieve or starvation. I think it should be grief, not grieve? The only other suggestion I have that maybe some more description ...

Oooh, interesting. Especially that it was found years after what happened in your previous excerpt. :) I don’t think it’s a good idea to have those really long names in ...

It's not much to by, but it seems that the story could be interesting. Though I agree, you perhaps have too many similes in there. To a point they add ...

Looks like an interesting start. :D Lots of action and emotion... You just seem to go through it all rather fast, without creating very much depth. Maybe slow down, and ...

I've only read about half of it so far, sorry, but I thought I'd mention some things for now... First, I like how you'be built up the feeling of menace ...

This was interesting! I like the tone of it, and the way things are explained... One thing I felt was kinda missing was something more about Kat. I think it'd ...

It was totally wonderful... *sigh* ^_^ I should read it again sometime soon. It's amazing, both how much mythology Tolkien created for Middle Earth, and how powerful and beautiful it ...

Speaking as someone who's not very fond of Eragon *cough*seriouslackoforiginality*cough*, my answers might not be exactly what you're looking for, but.... 1. Eragon or Harry (as heroes)? Harry. 2. Gal

Yay for LOTR! You're good at rhyming, and did a pretty nice job with the rhythm too. But like others have said, this isn't a lot more than a summary ...