Leja

I don't know if "I'm sitting at a train station" is necessary at either the beginning or the end. It doesn't fit much with the rest of the poem, and ...

Aww, it's sweet. In this stanza: "The boy showed up, The next day. He came and Wiped her tears away." The second line seems a little too short, like the ...

In the first stanza, "echoes" should be "echo" because it modifys "soft sounds" and you'd say "soft sounds echo" rather than "soft sounds echoes". Try to keep tense consistant, especially ...

Usually this type of rhyme scheme bothers me by the fifth or sixth line, but here, I liked it. In this stanza: "swallow your tongue, you silly little girl pink ...

Punctuation kind of dips in and out, but never too consistantly. *see second stanza as opposed to second to last* "Dust clawing for revenge against the formerly-polished furniture" I think ...

(punctuation: no semi-colon in the last stanza; there is no need for punctuation after that line.) "The turning of a new leaf" and "Look away and you might miss it" ...

This is such a sweet poem. Though, after "Always dreaming of you", it started to lose some meaning and spiral into repetition: You are my dreams You permeate my art ...

I, too, took it literally; I thought someone had drowned in the ocean, and the subject was remembering it... Nice sand imagery with the burying and all. In fact, nice ...

"Easily disguised by a kiss" was an awkward sounding line, like there were too many verbal (rather than conceptual) parts to it. The only other thing I can see is ...

with words so perfect, 5 like the devils tongue. 5 If you're going to punctuate like a sentence, you should also check to see that you have sentence-like grammar as ...

The first stanza just tells what's going on, rather than making the reader pay too close attention. The second stanza does a better job by adding a few more things ...

I liked it. I can't say exactly why. I just like how it sounds when read. *will make musical analogy; hope it's alright* It seems pretty low key for a ...

I think the first stanza spends too much time setting up an image, and not enough time progressing the poem. I vote you mix the first and third stanza together ...

I didn't like how "We come/learn" was repeated in the first few stanzas, then just stopped. It seemed smushed together. I liked the lines: "The wind divines where I stand, ...

When read out loud, the line "On sweating gland’s questions that you deflect" sounds like it has too many words in it. I think most of this is in the ...