Leja

lol, this is much too long to be considered a drabble, but whatever ^_^ First, a note on format: It's much easier to read things online when there's a space ...

I like the first sentence. It's a nice way to begin right in the middle of things. The second sentence just seemd to follow the first sentence, but because it ...

I liked the style of the beginning (the first two paragraphs). But I'm glad it left the he said/she said realm shortly thereafter because I don't think I could deal ...

“HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” Oh my goodness. The login dialogue between Reyu and the computer was funny. Kinda like watching a pingpong match where your head bounces back and forth XD R

I like this. Very factual-sounding without having that non-fiction drone. Why is his ~former girlfriend crying against his shirt if they're breaking up? She seems rather too mad at him ...

The description in the beginning is unnecessary and reads as an info dump. I don't need to know exactly how her hair is done, or every piece of clothing she ...

Ah, a hospital story... This first paragraph is filled with heavily described action. Instead, it might be more useful to describe the surroundings more than the action. Because when you ...

I go to the doctor and her says I'm going into cardiac arrest So I take my MP3 player and push play My doctor tells me I should rest But ...

I didn't like the third line of each set, that told what you say/tell/fight/cry/send, etc. It seemed like unnecessary elaboration that in all, didn't have much relevance to the poem ...

It's cute that it rhymes, and the ending message is nice, I suppose, but ultimately, the poem is handed to the reader on a silver platter, no work at all ...

The rhyming isn't an asset to this poem; I think it should be rewritten without it. I think that the first two stanzas could set the last one up very ...

but the people who after they have learned ‘why the sky is blue’ still really wonder. I don't know if this is or isn't relevant to the monologue, but I ...

Is this something that you wrote yourself, or something that you heard somewhere else? Paragraphs would be helpful, otherwise my eyes just tend to skim through the middle. Maybe list ...

Certain phrases made me think it was a college essay, even if I hadn't read the title. Such as "the pursuit of a post-secondary education can be triumphed" and "many ...

This seemed more like prose with line breaks("The sun is finally creeping out with her splendid face.Funny isn’t it?/ How the sun always comes out." and "The ocean draws near. ...