Leja

I'm a bit confused. When you say "By my dad" do you mean that what follows was written by your dad, or do you mean that what follows is a ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! We ask that people try to critique two pieces of someone else's work before submitting their own. If you have any questions, you might want ...

[Part #01] Ooh! That means there'll be more, right? :D I like the title of "Play House"; I'm really excited to see what you do with it. At first, I ...

What I noticed right off the bat is that almost every sentence begins with a pronoun and after a while, it really starts to weight the story down. the skin ...

There's a lot of physical description here, which is fine, but for much of it, I don't see the point. I like the part about the mother's skin at the ...

Look first at just the first word of every line. Do you note how most of them are the same? Repetition can be a useful technique, but when used unconsciously, ...

You know she's a flutist I despise you now :P (kidding) I didn't like most of it. A lot of the phrases seemed written only to support the musical phrases ...

This is very nice, Gadi. It's a nice, unified image that continues throughout but also progresses. At first I was thinking, "Oh. Dear. I have to read a WHOLE poem ...

Hello! Ooh, I'm so happy to see some Spanish around here ^_^ (by the way, don't feel like you have to translate everything. Some things just aren't as effective on ...

No worries about font; personally, I only find it annoying if someone's used it when they don't have any format to preserve, but that is not the case here ^_^ ...

Aloha, Suz! Chapter One (1) Does this have enough hook? It didn't, but then Agatha started talking about blood on the ceiling and how people were being killed without her ...

Give me that cigarette so that my lungs can turn as black as yours and I can have a reason to gasp. This is a nice intro to the rest ...

This is the kind of poem that should have a lot of emotion behind it, but I don't find that to be true here. It's all actions and telling from ...

Gaze upon the sheep of Earth None of which have names. All numbered to be counted While our leaders slumber, tame. Granted, the image as a whole is rather obvious. ...

Within the first two lines, I could tell where the rest of the poem was going. This isn't so great because if I know the whole poem with just the ...