z

Young Writers Society



In My Room

by Raimunda


I am looking in the mirror.
I suppose I have a... snubby nose
And its covered in freckles;
But its straight
ish. Which is good.
Brown eyes.
I like them.
They're a bit small, though.
And I have eyelashes that are a bit pale.
But I like my eyebrows, though.
And my lips. But they're too thin.
Teeth....could be straighter.
Rosy cheeks. I've always had them.
They say I have my mothers skin;
I can't see how they tell.
It looks the same as everyone else's.


Away from the mirror.
Random Harry Potter fan arts I have drawn
There's the one of Ginny
In the chamber of secrets.
I like that one.
Took me ages.
And then there's pictures of my friends
In France.
And pictures of Aborigines.
And school books. I don't want to look at them.
Body spray.
Because otherwise I'd smell funny.
Socks all over the floor. I like socks.
Books everywhere, too.
Artemis Fowl is open on my bed.


Oh,
And there's a deodorant bottle under my feet.
I'm rolling it about.
It feels cold.
Because I've not got any socks on.
They're all on the floor.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
20 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 20

Donate
Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:12 pm
JemimaPuddleDuck wrote a review...



ok It's me again sorry. I read the first bit bt that's it and i need to write this so that they can say i've done a review and i can actually put something on.

You are very pretty and your nose is certainly not snubby :-)
that's a funny word.
snubby
hehe

i'm not going to read any others because i know you will be embarassed and you don't want me to

love from me x




User avatar
816 Reviews


Points: 8413
Reviews: 816

Donate
Wed Mar 12, 2008 7:52 pm
Leja wrote a review...



There's a lot of physical description here, which is fine, but for much of it, I don't see the point. I like the part about the mother's skin at the end of the first stanza; it was something unique to your point of view, rather than something anyone might notice by looking in the mirror. And things like that make poems special.

The second stanza was similar; it's a long list of what's in the room, but it's all things I and anyone else might expect to be in a teenager's room. All tied together, what does everything show about that person?

I like the last few lines because it's not an observation (and while observations are very valid things, I don't know if they can support a whole poem just themselves), but more of a commentary. It's something personal and more connecting to that person than lists of items are.




User avatar
52 Reviews


Points: 1049
Reviews: 52

Donate
Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:17 pm
bluecows says...



I like the bit 'They say I have my mothers skin;
I can't see how they tell.
It looks the same as everyone else's.' That made me smile

Errm... apart from that I don't really know what to say, I don't think i got it.





Remember: the plot is nothing more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations.
— Ray Bradbury