Kylan

This was funny. The first verse is exactly what country songs are all about. Wife walks out, pet dies, singer grab a beer from the fridge and goes for a ...

HA! That was pretty good. Swift, to the point, blunt. I especially like the part about hazmat. Very good. Was it inspired by a lift off? End :D . -Kylan

I read Of Bees and Strings also, and enjoyed this one more. Not only was it less blunt and obvious, but it was longer and more emotional. Just like Clau ...

This is a critique of chapter 1... Overall Impressions: First of all, don't get rid of the paul/liz dating section. I don't want to dive right into the main plot ...

Okay, first of all, I've got to say this about Shadowsun's crit. In england, people don't use the apostrophe when refering to someones possesion. In the US they do. So ...

HA! I get the title now! About the Donner party and all! Very, very clever. Since I'm Mormon too, I was looking for an insult or a misconception, but found ...

:shock: . I can kiss my virgin eyes goodbye.... Hmmm... Lovely imagery. Good metaphors, similes. However, why would I want to read a poem about sex? It seems to me ...

Fantastic! I love your style and dialogue. It's very real, descriptive, complete. I also liked how you kept with the little "contact" nuance throughout the entire piece. Too often it ...

Contrary to the general negativity of the crits before me, I really enjoyed this! Yeah, there were a few bumpy places but much of it rang true for me! Deep ...

I agree totally with Trident. Starting a story with a "once upon a time" beginning is just plain boring/immature. I grew up for a reason: no more fairytales! Sad, yes, ...

This is an excellent beginning. Intriguing and promising. I really enjoyed how you parralled the the feelings woman and the girl on the swingset. Clever. But some things were confusing ...

Fantastic! I love your writing style. Very smooth, real, easy to read... You really are able to give insight into your characters mind. You have many profound and true-to-life one ...

Hmm... I know Insanity and JC have already mentioned this, but the story was extremely confusing. You kept bouncing from character to character, from point of view to point of ...

Well, Trident since you've critiqued much of my work I thought I'd return the favor. First off, your writing style in some places is very hard to slog through. In ...

So yes. Here I am again. I got to the second part a little late. :wink: Anyway... As always, brilliantly written. Sentence structure: phenomenal. You have so many quotable lines ...