Krupp

I'm impressed by your control over the whole scheme and the words in particular. I find that to be the strongpoint of the whole thing right there. I can't really ...

I pretty much concur with niteowl; it's a great piece, but I think the rhyming needs to go. A lot of people on here seem to think that if it's ...

do you want only people who HAVE been cheated on to critique this? I'm only joking of course. Either way you look at it, I suppose I'm qualified. I liked ...

I was surprised reading this. THis sounds extremely intelligent, considering that you're only 13. Don't take offence at that; it's true. Younger teens aren't likely to come up with verses ...

Well, for starters, I will say that it's not bad. But i'm just gonna be honest with you right now; if kids on YWS (These forums) don't find the poem ...

Man, I'm impressed with the shorter poems I"ve seen lately... Because they're all working so well. Usually I have trouble read1nig short poems becuase I myself take a while to ...

Actually, this is pretty good. You made it sound like it was bad. I have no idea why you did that. the only problem I would fix if I were ...

1. You probably should've rated this R or something so people would've known there was language involved. Personally it didn't bother me at all, but it wouldn't hurt your chances ...

There's nothing wrong with the message...and the wording was all right... But I think trying to rhyme in some places while avoiding in others really hurts the piece instead of ...

Righto, lemme see what I can say about this... It was pretty good. The rhyming wasn't forced, or that's what it looks like to me. I hate it when people ...

The poem is effectively brilliant, except that I think that how you twisted some of the lines, the meaning gets confusing. Some lines were better than others, but that's how ...

I admire the creative staggering of lines and the certainly adds to the buildup of the poem throughout the piece. However, if you were trying to really be creative in ...

This reads more like prose to me, but that's not a big deal. It's good, but the problem is that it isn't challenging to read; I didn't see anything that ...

...still into the metal, eh? The only thing that reallybothered me about this is spelling. Luck = lock I'm guessing, so just watch out for things like that. A mispelling ...

...well, to be honest, I haven't read the rest of the story, so I really have no idea the whole story, of course...but seeing that this was getting no replies ...