Young Writers Society

Rate it R.

The lyrics are unbearable.

I dont get it. It is just trash and it sounds like you're Chris Brown- it sounds like your about to abuse the unlucky girl who had to hear these lyrics.

Critism poem.

You over used 'Bitch'

And that's never good.

Who uses 'bitch' that much anyways,

Unless you live in the 'Hood'.

Quite frankly, I'm sorry,

I had to critize like this,

But I must go now,

Or else I will 'piss'.
__________________________


That was my well ryhmed. It had rythm.

Yours didn't.

As I said, I hate to critize like this, but, harsh and modest, this was awful.

Why? Why is it I am what I am? That sounds like a kid friendly song. Like

'I am what I am

No one can change that.

You could try,

But I wont budge'

or something like that. Seriously. Get some help.




Sorry again, mate. It stinks.

-Aubree

I THINK THIS WAS QUITE FINE NOT BAAD BUT NOT GOOD WEITHER BUT STILL THAT WAS A GOOD TRY ATLEAST BUT OTHER SONGS WILL BE WAY BETTER

1. You probably should've rated this R or something so people would've known there was language involved. Personally it didn't bother me at all, but it wouldn't hurt your chances of people reading your stuff if you give warning in the future.
2. I hate to say it, but even though it's obvious you're trying to convey an important message, you do nothing original. This sounds like something Fred Durst would've written - no offense. You need to either listen to some new music or something or I would suggest that you try to stretch your mind out and try to actually write something that's not straight-forward in a crappy way. Sorry mate, but this is almost doesn't even count as lyrics to me. This is just trash talk.
3. Read number two carefully and take into consideration what has been said. You will not have people on here read anything you post if it's all like this. Just trust me when I say that.


I hate to tear you down, man, but this needs to be thrown out. This is a writing forum; these lyrics aren't writing. Like I said, it's just trash talk more than anything else. You need to pay attention to details and understand the difference between hip-hop "lyrics" (Because that's what this sounds like; either that, or nu metal crap. Either way...) and real, thought-out writing.

Good luck.

Not bad! But it was too short for me. I hope people wont grade this song bad because of the language and the misspelling. This is just what rapers do. They make up their own words sometimes to make the song flow well. So get use to this people!