Let Not My Eyes Wander

Thanks again to everyone who reviewed my poem
You guys are great

Ohh, wow, this was just.... gosh, I can't sum it up in a few words.

So, the theme is so blunt, so in your face, yet subtle at the same time. Talking about how the American dream really has been twisted around, but some people are so blind to the corruption that they don't see it. And those that do see it feel so depressed and helpless that they don't want to see anything else but what America is supposed to be.

I find this could be explored deeper, like having somebody actually try to get the American dream back, but as it is this poem is amazingly powerful.

Gold star!

~Rosey

The poem is effectively brilliant, except that I think that how you twisted some of the lines, the meaning gets confusing. Some lines were better than others, but that's how most poetry is, I'm sure.

Overall it's impressive in detail, but I'd be careful how you write your lines anyway. It's just a precaution.

Thank you everyone for your reviews
It means a lot D

Great poem! Wonderful symbolism! I love the points that you make...I often find myself having many of the same thoughts. You've ended it perfectly. This was masterfully written...gold star!

to me if i read something it must catch my mind off guard and take it on a journey i must say your poem did just that good job hope you still writing

It was good! You deserve a star man. I have nothing to correct you with. I haven't read a good poem about America in a long time. The only part I felt was a a little bit weired was the last part. But it was really good.

good good poem im not gonna go around explaining to you how i interpreted it, but just know that however i did, i liked what i saw. i like this bit especially:


Guns beget violence

Violence beget more violence

But I beg of you, just let me eat my breakfast


except that violence is singular so the next word would technically be "begets" more violence, unless of course you were saying a command or something, but im not sure thats the case. anyways, other than that i loved this poem. i also like this bit:


The countries Cry!

They yell

"Americanize me"

And we answer

so overall good good work i really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for that

Hello!

Man....this was good. Haven't read a good poem like this in ages.

You did a heck of a lot of things right by this. Firstly, the subject matter is spot on. It's just so obvious that these kinds of thoughts would come to you, so it adds to the validity and believability of the speaker's thoughts. Makes the reader feel comfortable in reading.

I enjoyed the ballad style of the poem- great repetition and great line repeated throughout. Really hammers the message home without walloping the reader over the head:

Let Not My Eyes Wander

They shoot explanations

Like bullets at a crowd

Oh Please

Cut out my eyes

I want to be Blind