Published February 10, 2009
True and false Love
It has often been said without end,
Man never values things to which he should tend,
Those who love us, we never love back,
and those we love never love us back.
However when these false loves have been taken,
We realize that our hearts have been misgiven,
We run back to our true and only love,
Praying she receives us with open arms
When true love reaches out to form a cord,
We ignore her without a nod,
We give our hearts to things that don’t last long,
Our materialism made true love feel wrong,
But sooner or later, probably sooner,
Our false love will no longer deliver,
We run back to a love that never ends,
Hoping she comforts us with her hands.
Brothers and Sisters, I plead to you all,
The love money gives only buys stuff at the mall
Let us seek true love when she is close,
She smells so good, her smell delights my nose,
Through all things, she remains near,
When I speak, she gives a listening ear
Please let’s run back to our true love,
She gladly receives without holding back.
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141,418 Literary Works • 674,397 Reviews
Hey GAM. I'm dd9 and I'll be doing a little (maybe more like meduim sized) review for you this lovely day.
First of all, I really liked this poem. I found it profoundly touching and the message was very truthful. Too many people these days stray away from true love in pursuit of false love, as you call it. Money provdies only a temporary feeling of love. Same with unfortunately, choclolate.
Onward to the review!
Is there a reasont that False Love is capitalized?
I think this line is important in the poem, but it needs some revision. It doesn't seem to flow. It's just a little bit awkard. Consider putting the words in a different order.
I really love this line!
Who is this mysterious she? I love how you leave this up to speculation. In my mind "she" is a Supreme Being, like God.
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I really love this piece! I think it has a lot of potential.
If you post any more poem, please let me know. PM me if you have any questions.
-dd9
There's nothing wrong with the message...and the wording was all right...
But I think trying to rhyme in some places while avoiding in others really hurts the piece instead of helping it along. I would go back and just make it all rhymeless; it sounds better when you had lines that weren't rhyming. It actually seemed better that way to me, anyhow. You're the writer. Do what you will. I just think you need to consider either doing all rhyming, or none at all, because the in-between rhyming you do here only makes the poem seem off-balance otherwise.
But don't think I'm saying that this was bad; it was quite good. I would really just think about taking a look at the rhyming.